OK so its official, I'm pregnant and the insults have started coming in. Troy's aunt (even tho she tried to be nice) told me I was stupid and this was just the wrong time. She told me I was dumb, stupid, slow, retarded all of the above for letting troy convince me to stop taking my pills that I know better than that. I try to be strong because I know everything happens for a reason, and God won't put anything on you that you can't bear, and I continue to pray to God and thank him for everything that he's done for me and continue to for me and everyone I come in contact with daily.
So, on a good note I have an ultrasound appointment next Thursday, I'm excited to see my little collection of cells. Oh yea and a heartbeat lol.
I try to be strong like and keep a hard shell, but sometimes worlds can hurt more than physical abuse. Like yea I know ppl will be ppl, but it still doesn't mean that that shit doesn't still hurt.
But I'll be OK, I know I will God won't put anything on me that he knows I can't bear.
Here we go again
guess what???
So much has happened since I last blogged but all of that will seem meaningless as the newest thing has happened to me. So I found out I was pregnant recently, and we decided to keep it and I'm so happy!!!! Like at first I was kinda cold to the idea of having another baby but then I realized that it wont be so bad having another kid, and Troy's parents are behind us 100% so that made it way better!!!! Like of course I wanted to have a baby but honest to god I didn't think it would happen this fast like it took like 2 months since I stopped taking my pills and now here I am pregnant.
So as of now I am 5 weeks pregnant, I'm kinda scared I might like mysteriously come on my period wed but I took like 5 test n they all said yea so u never kno.
I'm just scared that my side of the family will flip but i realize i don't have to tell ne one cuz I'm grown and I don't have to share that with them.
week 5 of 40
I'm just happier than u can believe and troys happy so it looks like things r getting good.
I do wanna move towards saving for this baby and getting my own place cuz I can tell things r gonna get kinda holsile around here like I told my mom but I'm not telling nebody else like they don't matter so I don't have to tell.
But Im due August 12 and that seems forever from now, but that's cuz I'm doing everything so early like with Melanie I didn't even go to the doctors until like 2 months into the pregnancy so that was like 2 months gone so it was more like i was pregnant for 7 months instead of 9 then I had her early so everything went pretty quick.
I hope I'm having a girl like I wanna have the first girl of their family like I cant wait. I'm mad I gotta wait until like march to get an ultrasound ugh... this is gonna take forever!!!!!!!!
But I need forever cuz I need a lot of time to get ready!!!!!!!
week 5 of 40
video blog
i know this is really bad quality and i dont really talk loud enough for my webcam anyway ... but anyways here you go ... advice about being a freshman in college
Thinking
Lately all I have been doing is thinking, morning, noon, and night. And its starting to wear on me. its true that thinking too much can be harmful. Its like a whole lot has been bothering me, in making me feel like i don't feel like being bothered. Like I feel frustrated. I feel frustrated physically, mentally, and sexually.
It like it a lot on my mind, which frustrates me, cuz it seems like I cant put anything into words. And i wreck my brain day in and day out trying to figure out what to say and how to say it.
I'm sorry if i begin to ramble, something that I often do when I write here lol, but I'm gonna try and sit here and write everything that wrong no matter what it is or who it may hurt or whatever, I need to say this and get it clear so If i hurt you I'm sorry its just something that I been thinking and holding it back, but I still love you.
UGH so much how to start.
I wish I could go out like dez n liz does. Like, they can party whenever and it b fine, they always invite me but I cant never go cause during the week I'm mommy, I cant go out and party cuz my mom wont let me. she'll b like how I'm getting there and when I get there she'll just call me and call me the whole time asking me what I'm doing when am i gonna come home n a bunch of other stuff that will just kill the mood for me and everyone else cuz they'll have to leave to take me home and it will just be embassing.
I guess I'm jealous, well I am jealous cuz I don't do anything with my best friend anymore. Like all she does is party and when she's not partying she complaining about chem. and its like idk wut to say.... Like I want to be there for her but how can I when I'm always preoccupied with my own thoughts. wishing I could b her at a good school with friends. I spend everyday alone mostly. when I am with someone I'm not paying them any attention because I'm thinking.
All this thinking is making me tired, I don't do much besides think and sleep, I eat like once a day, cuz I'm busy thinking.
thinking how I could word all of these thought I have, and its like I cant talk really to dez cuz when I talk to her she says I'm depressing her and when i talk to troy he just yells and then makes fun of me. like so even if I had the way to express the way I thought I couldn't talk to them.
Normally I just have sex until my problems because screams of Ecstasy, but lately it seems like it takes more and more for me to get to that point. and its so frustrating cuz I kno its not him, like its me. Like I can feel something preventing me from getting to that point. like some sort of barrier in the way of me releasing all the frustration I've been building up. But I cant. So I sit there and look at him and he's probably thinking it him when Its me. So idk, like now since I don't have sex as an outlet I just think.
But using sex like that wasn't good anyway. like it became an addiction that way cuz I relayed on it too heavily to solve my problems by giving me a high that made me. but now i don't have sex like I used to and for a while I felt I was doing good with the weekends only. but idk the sex issue is too deep to go into right now...
Then school, I just hate my school right now. I hate the way my schedule flows.
Then its like I'm just so drained. Everything I do is draining me. I cant never do my daily things too good I'm drained. going to class drains me. waking up drains me, working drains... I'm just so tired of everything and I don't know what to do.
I'm just at a lost... I tried to like rearrange my life, but it doesn't seem to work either, but then again I just started.
I'm just upset. Like I got this astrology book and it talks about all the things that I dislike, and how that would spend me packing if my mate did that. Troy read it and laugh thinking I do all that now, but you're still with me, but I told him yea but all that stuff annoys me and that's why i call you an asshole behind your back. Like that bothers me cuz I kno he do those things and it bothers me when he does and it makes me think bad thought. thoughts I don't wanna think about my boyfriend, but idk
idk like I don't have no one to talk to and I feel like this is helping me vent alittle. I tried talking to troy the other day but I just knew if I said anything it would end in an argument I didn't feel like going thru, so I dropped it. like i wanna talk to him but he's not the talking type he'll just get angry and yell at me and make me cry and then later on make fun of me crying so idk...
I'm gonna stop here, I don't know what else to say I'll just be talking taking up space for nothing so, wut eva.
Old Fanfiction
In the 8th and 9th grade I used to write pokemon fanfiction. It's impressive how well I used to write. I'm definitely in the process of making more.
http://www.thepokemontower.com/authors/applemartini.shtml
I used to write under Apple Martini at the pokemon tower. It's really good quality. There is a link to my old work :) enjoy
okay i need to make more time to blog
yeah i dont know its weird i always find time to talk on facebook but blogging just seems to not make it into my brain idk y but im gonna write a whole bunch on stuff in here that will pretty much catch everyone up on me. so the only really interesting things that have happened recently happened last week end and they were
- Monsters Ball
- Apples to Apples Night at Shawna's
- Playing Tennis
- Halloween
okay so first off Monster's Ball
aight so i went as a pirate and at first all of my Hawaii friends were suppose to be going but then one by one everyone ended up saying that they werent and it was only a couple of us going (which kinda sucked). and then we werent even gonna all go there together so i thought i was gonna be the only one. So i got there and im like this is kinda cool but boring at the same time cause i dont really know anyone here so i walked around for a while and danced wit a couple naked girls (most of which had nooooooooooooooooo fucking rythym which sucked cause they were all over the place) but then two girls i know showed up and they were drunk off there fucking minds which was just funny as hell cause they said that they couldnt look down or they would fall lol and im like seriously like wat the fuck did u guys drink and all they can say was that it was a bottle and im like i kinda fgured but watev and i let them go.
so after that the twins Shawna and Shasta showed up which is good cause i was getting kinda bored and we started walking around and were talking about the different costumes some of which were:
- a guy that was dressed as white trash
- a group of people dressed as pumpkins (like the ones u wear when ur 3)
- adam & Eve (complete with leaves to cover any unmentionables)
- and just about a slutty versions of every costume u could think of
Wut it do!!!!
Ok, ok , I know its been awhile, but so much, both good and bad has happened, so I'm gonna try my best to keep you updated! So if you know me, you know I'm random, so I'm gonna just start and go from there so try to stay with me. lol
Ok so this week is gonna be the best week ever for me! Troy comes right back home 2mar and I'm uber excited about that. Tuesday not only do i get to vote for the president for the first time, but Troy's gonna be here and we're gonna spend time together like we used to back when we was in high school!! am i a bad person because I'm more excited that troys gonna b here than for voting? like i am gonna vote regardless of how long the lines gonna be, but i just wanna lay wit him in the middle of the day and just FUCK. (sigh) can't wait. (oh btw I just realized that i have to paint my nails) Then Wednesday, I soooo get paid! yay me, yay money! the Thursday I get paid, AGAIN! Then I'm getting my hair done Thursday but idk how, like ugh I wanna cut it, but then again i just want to add some track. but nonetheless i do need a perm. Friday not only is it Friday, but Troy's back home AGAIN so this week is quick, and just perfect! and I'm just so happy.
ummm...... yesterday, no lets start wit Friday night.
I cried. Me and troy was talkin about dez, not talkin badly just talkin. And he like started talking about all the stuff she tells him that "I" never even heard. So I cried cuz i felt like i tell her everything but yet him and her are talking behind my back, like wtf do they talk about, and it angers me cuz he acts like ooo she tells me this hahahaha im important hahahaha like and it blows me. SO i told her that i wasn angry cuz i tell her everything and that she hides stuff. so she told me not to fear and all was good. But also on Friday night, troy "accidentally" went through my phone without my permission. And then had an attitude with me. cuz he saw something that he didn't wanna c but yet didn't come and ask me. so like i feel like its his fault cuz he never even came to me and asked me wut we was talkin about. then at work Saturday we where just not talking to each other because he didn't wanna look like an asshole. so idk
hmmm wut else happened that's blog worthy........ hmmmmmm idk i really don't so I think I'm gonna cut it here and if ne thing else happens blog, I promise to keep up, but before i go I got another tattoo, its a Capricorn sign and its for troy and me and lisandra went together to get it, like i was soo Happy she came with me!!!!!!! but ne who, that's it, I juts knew I had to post that, but now I'm going to bed I have to get up early.
Oh my my my
Okay, sorry about my last post. I need to express some emotions that I kept bottle up last night, but I'm cool. ....And do you want to know why I'm cool? Because I went to Marathon last night and didn't do anything that I would regret in the morning! YIPPEE! (except I left my phone in my sister's car.) But she's coming over later so I should get it back.
Well I'm sorry...
I know I haven't written in a while and it's because I've been thinking about way to much to actually put any thoughts down. But since yesterday night I realized something: I'm an angry drunk!
fukai mori / deep forest
I wish I was little again ... life is great being an adult but i feel so nostalgic about my childhood years. Talk about somethine you'll never get back ....
I mean I will never be a kid again. I am almost 18 ... all the stuff I have been looking forward to my whole life is almost here and it's just hitting me so fast. I mean I really do miss super small things that I know won't be the same:
- having my bedroom ... my bedroom was like an extension of myself ... now its all empty kind of like a museum
- curling up late at night to watch inuyasha in my little brothers' room. That show was probably my favorite show of all time at one point ... back when being up at 12:30 midnight was something i had to sneak and do because my grandmother would tell me go to bed because i have to go to school in the morning
- wearing a uniform to school. Yes, I do miss wearing a school uniform.
- how I made a big deal presenting to my grandmother about how I really wanted to buy Pokemon Ruby and a new gameboy advance and how it worked and how the day I got it I played it all day and how much I loved it
- daydreaming!!! I'll always be a daydreamer, but these days my daydreaming gets interrupted or I have to think about something important. I miss the days when daydreaming always led to a really good project or story to undertake
- I miss getting passionate about small things that have no significance, like my myspace page which i just basically deleted
sit back relax enjoy the show ow ow
i wish i could fast forward through the week to the weekend. ugh. i like anticipation but sometimes it can be a bitch waiting for something that you cant wait to happen already ... like the WEEKEND
... stupid mon-fri in the way of my weekends.
Dolphin Rapes Swimmer...Swimmer Escapes
I have recently been disturbed to know that dolphins do indeed attempt to rape humans. While when I watched the TV program with Denny (who's sources of information are always questionable), I wondered was it true. Google confirmed it...Dolphins have attempted to mate with humans. Is it that all animals really do just live to have sex and reproduce regardless of where they stick it??? Or is it just the female of each species?? I think the second is clearly the answer I went with. In psychology today, my teacher told us the name of the date rape drug and it's effects on the human body (I will keep it out of this since anyone who can google has access to this blog). It is amazing how someone can be in a coma like stage while their body is used and abused and they just have to get up the next day to be judge about why they didn't do anything. I want all of you to be save because you never know...you too could one day be floating in the water while a 400 pound dolphin with 12 inch penis attemps to mate with you
Da da da, da, da, da, Da da da da da da, da da da da, da da da da.
Okay, so the title is from Britney Spears song, which I love. And it has significance to this blog because it's what my friend Chris Pesto aka Pesto Sauce plays when we pre-game. (LOL). So last night, I bought hella shit at the mall and I'm angry because I wasn't supposed to. But I did buy these killer converses at Journey's.
ghetto cancer
Ugh. There is a ghetto cancer spreading all over this campus and it started in AMR I, which is MY DORM BUILDING!!! omgg. check out the sequence of events::
0. the soda machine in our building took my money the first day
1. one of our dryers stops working, then the one next to it.
2. the card swiper in our laundry room stops working so you can only use the machines with coins (what!?)
3. someone breaks one of the toilets in AMR II
4. we have a fire drill and since then our turnstiles stop working so anyone can just walk into our building
5. our laundry room closes for a day
6. the printer in the library stops working with .docx files for a day (WTH)
7. none of the dryers in my building spin anymore - they only blow air (WTH)
as you can see from the sequence of events the ghetto cancer disease clearly started in the AMR I basement. AMR I is now totally ghetto - the laundry room doesnt work, the turnstiles dont work, and there is no soda. it spread to AMR II and the library and before you know it all of the buildings will have the ghetto cancer. what next...
There Will Be...Ups and Downs
dezerays dormroom, first blogin case you have been missing my life, me and brittnie totally broke up over some bull and like I
am totally depressed so I needed to spend quality time with my best friend and twin dezeray. I totally missed her like in massive amounts and now we're spending quality time together and I'm typing on her laptop....YEAH!!! twin time all the way....so I came over and she saw me and she said I was curvy...umm CURVES!!! adn dez looks amazing...like she grew like 2 inches...WTF!!! and she randomly has boobs now! RANDOMLY!!! lmao
Anyway, in my life like I totally like school and its kinda amazing now except my wickity wack spanish teacher!! she wildin on me cause I can't declare a major and therefore I can't write a paper on it! ugh!! I really do not like her...but she's really cool and I kinda like her class. Also we are always talking Obama! Like today, we were talking about the debate and she was talking about Len the Plumber and about how she changed her facebook status to "Forget Len...call Juan"...it wasn't really funny but it kinda was. But only cause she's mexican. And like she's always off topic. Like she always talks about weird stuff that happened in her life before she came to our class and then we never get to our lesson plan...lol
What else?? so I guess you guys are wonder why we really broke up. {hope I don't start crying} Like she really wanted to have an open relationship and I agreed to it but I really didn't want to do it but I wanted to save our relationship so I said ok. But I was really unhappy with the relationship and the direction that it was taking and like in a way I'm kinda happy we did break up. Like I really wish we could restart from nothing and just get to know each other...like chill and what-not...:( if only one could rewind the hands of time. But I really miss her and I keep making dez answer my phone when she calls cause I might just break down and die...ugh
Well....thats really all for now...this is my amazing first blog
since when did i become the rational one
Ok, so i've always been one to be totally understanding of every person, every situation, and be open to all kinds of people. I know how diverse the world is. I also pay attention to history (jasmine remember the 180 you made in college? i made one too. i realized i love history. big time.) and I notice patterns - concepts and social norms and things that seem so well established become anachronistic against proliferating modern values. So I am probably the most understanding person there is on the planet. I can always see where everyone is coming from.
I love being someone that people can go to. I feel really idk, fulfilled when someone's venting to me. I take a personal interest. The only thing is, i can ALWAYS understand both sides of the situation. It's not a matter of taking sides, it's a matter of eliminating misunderstanding. So when my best friend for ever and my big brother by blood (not genetically, i only have two real little brothers and they are la luz de mi vida, i just call troy my "big brother by blood") are having a misunderstanding and I am in the middle, I take a personal interest in trying to fix the situation.
Here's the deal. I understand both of them. both of them are completely right in the context of their situations. In the beginning I told Troy that he was not doing anything wrong and I was glad he told me thats how he felt, and it was fine that he felt bad about it, but it happens all the time and theres nothing he can do about it. I told him to tell mia about it and they could work it out. But of course he thinks its against his values so instead he tries to pretend his urges dont exist so they will go away.
the thing about . ignoring bad things is that sometimes they don't go away. if something is persistent it won't go away. I know this for a fact because I'm one of those people who ignore things until they go away. like chemistry. i ignore it until it goes away. im telling myself i cant do that because it wont. like the whole situation with troy comes up anyway and mia is hurt by it.
Mia on the polar opposite end of the spectrum, I understand completely. Of course she is going to feel hurt because in her words she felt like there was nothing she could do. he is being greedy when she is doing everything and anything. why on earth would you want more? I feel like any guy who has all of that and isnt 110% satisfiied has serious greed issues. And above all she feels lied to. Which I can see, because she brought it up several times. And everytime he denied it, which I can also see because if I were him i would not have said something like that either.
So I'm blown. I can see why both of them feel the way they do. I really I gave them the best advice I could and try to get them to understand each other. Neither of them did anything wrong! I am happy that they have sorted things out - I'm rooting for a solution that would serve them both best in the long run. I was happy today to hear from troy and mia that they think the situation is more or less solved .
i mean when i heard some of the fears each of them had about the other when i know the truth ... i just wanted to dive right in and save them you know. hes worried that she will leave him. shes worried that he doesnt care. i know first hand that he cares just as much, if not more, than she does, and i also know that the absolute LAST thing mia would do is want to leave her penguin.
so idk i just had to blog this cause i had an objective perspective of the whole thing as it was unfolding. and i want them both to know i'm there for them as individuals, because im really rational and loyal. no matter what. i'm always going to be here for the people i love.
~ maybe i am hopelessly immature, but i've had a lot of experiences in life that make me able to think broadly and synthesize solutiona. dont hesitate to get my opinion guys - its up to you whether or not you think its good, but it's guarenteed to be valid.~
OMG AFTER ALL I SAID THATS ALL YOU HEAR???
ok after all i said she only wants to hear the bad part. So she finds something i must have signed up for (and i still dont remember when this happened) but what ever. So she said i lied to her.I dont think i did. I told her no i dont think of having sex with other people and no i dont. I mean she has my virginity and she is the only one i will ever have sex with. No i would be lie if i said i never thought about whats the difference. And even then i feel really bad about it. So i told dezeray to get her take on it and shes like oh it normal it happens all the time you should tell her so yall can find a solution. and i say ,no cuz in think all that is still cheating even if it is an agreement i feel as though im hers and she is mine so i'll just deal with it. So tonight she thinks im cheating on her online? WOW i would never that disrespectful to me and her. so i sent her this text to try and she how i dont want anybody online so i send her this message.
This reminds me when i told dezeray about how i feel so bad cuz sometimes i wish i had had sex with more ppl and she told me to just tell you cuz its common but i feel thats cheating so i thought to myself i have everything i could ever want in you and you do anything for me and i thought to myself i should feel really bad cuz you do anything i ask you to and me feeling this way is just being greedy. And i tell you all this to show you that i have everything i could want in life right now and if the world do end in 2012 i want to be right there beside you and melanie to spend our last moments together cuz i do love yall and i love her as if she was my own daughter.
this is exactly what i said i pretty much poured my heart out and said i want to be with you and you daughter and hopefully our children til the day i die because i love you so much. but all you can think of is the beginning of the message when i used to think about how would it feel with someone else but thats in the past i dont care about that anymore. i want to be yours and only yours but you cant look past that and now you wont trust me like before and i didnt do nothing. i dont even talk to other girls down here with the exception or my lab partner.
But if you dont want to trust me there is nothing i can do. but just ask dez about that convo so she can tell you i was completely against every idea of fucking someone else.
So I thought
I thought that today would be a normal day. Started of kinda slow then my emotions got the best of me. And this is how it started.
So I felt the need to vent to my best friend how I felt she was neglecting me. How she always have time for people in school but never me. I felt out of the loop, she always talks about the parties they go to and the fun times they have while I, sit home every night anxiously waiting for the weekend to come so I can see the love of my life. I was angry because she has fun and I don't. I was angry because I was apart of it, just like in high school, she had fun while I went home. I was angry because I'm lonely and she's not. Not that I wish she was lonely, I just wish she was here with me and me not being lonely.
When reflecting as I do when I'm angry, I noticed that its always been that way. Her with her other friends whom which became my friends in the end, laughing and joking while I may laugh on the outside, on the inside I'm lonely. Lonely because I feel like I don't belong with them. All of them beautiful and intelligent, and me not so smart and not really beautiful. I felt alone.
All my life I felt alone. Since childhood, I've felt alone, growing up the only girl, growing up playing alone, growing up teaching myself. But nonetheless, alone.
Normally when I feel alone I just normally, go to my boyfriend, but in this case, I can't even talk to him.
So I thought today, we'd chat, we'd laugh and we'd have fun. We did for the most part of tonight. Until an incident came where the question was forcibly raised, are you, or was you attempting to cheat on me. Starring me in my face evidences that could put someone behind bars but yet, he said no. Thoughts are racing through my head... Is he? Why? Everything I could ever think of, and yet, he's quite. He says no and that's it. No push no force just no. So why not push for it, why not fight for it, why be silent. We talked, and I cried, I thought and I cried. So I believed him. But why can't I stop crying? Why does it hurt so bad, if it wasn't him? Why?
So we text, he tells me he feels bad because he (tho never attempting to do so) wants to or wanted to or wished he had sex with other people. Not just me. And that makes me feel like shit. Me wishing everyday that I could give him my virginity, wanting to be with him forever and have his children, and he secretly wishes he slept with other people. The hurting part is that, I said this before, but yet he denied it. Now he thinks it, two hours away at school and he thinks that. And that hurts. To know that while I'm here living for his return, reliving every moment we spend together on the weekend, and he wishes that he had sex with other people. I feel like shit. I feel like I've been lied to. I give my all to something I don't want to be like the other relationships I had, I want this to last be honest and true and he lied to me. He lied about the way he feel.
I'm hurt. I feel like the people I look to most don't like me anymore. I feel alone. I feel drained, I feel like everything I gave my energy to, took it all from me.
I feel worthless
I feel unloved
I feel lied to
I feel like shit
I feel like I can't even describe. I'm sitting here replaying everything and it hurts. I wanna just block myself from everyone and be left alone.
I think I'm taking the right path in life =/
Okay so, I know I haven't written in a while but I really don't feel like back-tracking on everything that I wanted to write. So for now, I'll broadcast the things that are fresh in my brain. Well for starters, there are 3 more weeks until my sister comes to visit me and that's number one on the list of things I'm looking forward to:
1. My sister coming to visit
2. Lab on Wed (this is continuous throughout the whole year)
3. Thanksgiving Break
4. Christmas Break
5. Reuniting with my friends back home
6. Judging BCFLs
7. Coming back to see City's play
8. Meeting Taye Diggs
9. GRADUATION! (Haha)
Sooo, that list was rather pointless but I just wanted to give you a sense of where my life is heading right now. But, that's not the issue that I want this blog to focus on. The issue that I want to focus on begun this weekend at Marathon (don't worry, it's nothing bad). So I went to Marathon this weekend which was probably my favorite one next to Opening Marathon because it was 1) drama only and 2) Vegas themed. So I had fun. But okay...So there's this guy in the drama department named Troy. He's a transfer so technically he's like a junior or something. But anyway, that's not important. So he was GONE! Like he had waay to much to drink. Fortunately, I didn't have much (unlike the week before. If you want to know about the week before, it was just like Jock Jam but with more puking). Anywho...So he could not stop touching me all night. Like, Josh had smacked my knee and it hurt SO motherfucking bad so I was bent over in pain so Troy comes behind me and says "I got her I got her" and grabs me by my waist and sits me on his lap.
So I'm like whatever, it's cool I don't care. He starts rubbing on me and shit but I'm like "It's Marathon. Whatever". So right before Milly and Nneka are like, "Let's go. We want Insomnia Cookies" So I'm like YAAAYY cookie! But right after, they get up and Troy grabs my hand and takes me to the little foyer where the bathroom is and I'm like "Oh shit I know what's going to happen" So I'm repeating over and over that I have to go and that they'll eave me and blaahhhh. And he's all like "I don't want you to leave, don't leave blahhhh" All along I'm thinking, this guy is trying to get me in the bathroom (don't worry, it's cool, I know him, lol). So he starts kissing me
TEL ME WHY EVERY MOTHERFUCKER I KISS IT'S LIKE KISSING FISH!!! THEY FUCKING SUCK AT YOUR FACE LIKE IT'S THEIR JOB! GEEEZ! AND HE HAD TO HAVE LIKE HALITOSIS OR SOMETHING! SO I HAD TO STOP KISSING HIM LIKE IT WASN'T AN OPTION! (THE ONLY GUY I KISSED WHO WAS DECENT WAS SOME GUY I MET AT MARATHON WHO HAD HUGE LIPS TO MATCH HIS HUGE DICK. LOL BUT THAT WAS MY SHITFACE NIGHT SO I HARDLY REMEMBER ANYTHING)
So I'm pulling away from him and he's not letting me go. Then the bathroom comes free so he's pulling me in the bathroom and I'm thinking "I can't fuck this guy cuz for one....he has bad breath, two I have to leave now otherwise I'm not going to have a way back home, and three I'm on my period! lol. It was like he wouldn't stop persisting and pulling and I'm ike this dude would rape me if he had to. But this guy saved my life. Like he came and was like "Um, can I take a piss"
So to make a long story short, I left him blue-balled on the couch and went to get Insomnia. And I had to use chapstick because I could smell his breath on my lips lol
The point of this story: So I was thinking. I have like this huge crush on a guy named Mike (Omg he looks like fucking Taye Diggs and I want his body so bad). But the bad this is 1) he never notices me and 2) he's a fucking junior so I only have this year and next year with him. And like, Nneka asked me a very important question after I told her about the Troy issue. She asks "If you weren't on your period, would you have sex with him". And I actually, legit thought about this...... No, I wouldn't have. Why? Because I'm actualy enjoying celibacy. I haven't had sex in 1 year, 1 month and 8 days. Why should I start now with some guy I don't even like. I don't think I would like being a whore because chances are, if I had sex with him, we wouldn't have had sex again. I would've had sex with someone else. And maybe someone else after that and I would've been a whore. BUT I'M NOT!
I thought, "I want to be in a relationship before I have sex again. If I ever do again before marriage." Like I want to see where it goes with Mike. I don't want to fuck this up. I've gotten my heart broken more than once (One, hella recent). And I dont want SEX to be the reason I get it broken again. So.............I think celibacy until a relationship or until marriage is kicking in as of now!
So I love you.......
I wanna write large!! Because I'm feeling large right now! lol :-D
So I like love him. I wish I could be his wife right now! He's the sweetest guy ever and I love him for it! I'll be in class and out of nowhere I'm sitting around thinking about him! He's the best and I love him for it. When we are together the problems of reality don't matter, because with him he's shields me from all worldly harm! With him I don't have to worry about him filling my head with lies, and promises, because he always come thru and is here for me! Words can not express how much I love this dude, like he is my everything, my rock, my pillow, my shoulder! Even though some problems I go through he has no experience with he still with all his ability to make me feel better and I love him for that! When I cry he hold me tight, when I'm sick he nurses back to health! When I'm angry he's always there to listen, and without him I know I would be lost. He means sooooo much to me so much more then he would ever know. If he knew exactly how much I loved him I'm sure he's be teary eyed like I am now trying to express it.
I love you, every inch of you, from the top of your head to the sole of your feet. I love you! I love everything you do the way you talk, the way you say things to me. I love when you come home from school and come and see me first! I love how when we haven't seen each other in so long how you kiss me as if you haven't seen me in months! I love how when we're sleep and you tap me and tell me to turn over and lay on your chest. I love how you expect my daughter as if she's your own. I love every single thing you do!
My Situation
okay so basically i love the place i live in here in Hawaii but now i dont even know if im going to be able to stay. okay so heres whats going on....
right so my first months rent was late but my landlord was completely cool about it, she was like no big deal i know that its hard to start over somewhere new and im like cool. but now my second months rent is late and she took like a full 180. Like now shes talking about that is unacceptable and that if another month is late that she wont renew my lease after december so now im like...
if that happens WTF am i going to do!?!?!?!?!?!?!!? like i'd be completely screwed because i like have to go to HPU for the Spring semester and i cant be here without anywhere to live.
Like i tried to keep her up on what was going on i told here that i just got a job and that i was working like a fucking slave this past week but she didnt seem interested at all in none of that and im like how the fuck can you go from being the nicest person there every was to a complete and total bitch in like a couple of days. like i saw here like last week when she stopped by to see one of the other roommates for something and she was totally nice and everything but now im like wow
i guess what they say is true when money's involved people true natures come out.
So now basically im at the point where if my check doesnt come from Hpu like this week im screwed and im goin to have to be looking for a new place to live after winter break which would completely suck because my place is like in the perfect spot in Honolulu for everywhere i need to go. i just walk
But i guess that all i can do now is HOPE!!!!!!
i like it, i love it, i want it all the time
PARTIES!!!!
lol.
I dont blog as much as I should. I know that. But half the stuff I want to talk about I can't say in here, so I give up. (sheepish grin).
I can say here that I am extremely happy. There are two things in my life that are particularly new and I love them. Haha. I am like, elated. One, parties. Two, sex. They're like the most amazing thing about the weekend now. Haha. And even better: both perks are fairly consistent. I can get in to the Den most of the time (gotta come early), Pike almost always has a party, and if Pike doesnt then I know another frat will (like Phi Si or Sig Ep or Wawa). And we won't talk about the other thing. I'm not the type to kiss and tell. it's one guy (what, come on now, I have extremely high standards) and probably the only negative side effect is that I think about it a lot. But I'm not too bad with it. I didn't say i think about it all the time, just frequently, and only for fleeting seconds. So whatever. I'm happy.
I can also say here that i HATE CHEMISTRY! Lol. i decided to absolutely NOT be pre-med. EVER. I am SO a political science major. Like, it's definite. And it's funny cause I would never see myself in this position about a year back. Actually, I probably thought this was a major I would NEVER go in. But that was when I didn't know what was good for me. I'm a very dynamic person and my needs are ALWAYS changing. But right now, I definitely know that political science suits my needs. I don't know why I thought it was what is was, but now I know stuff about it and I know that it fulfills my needs better than practically any other major available. So yeah, I'm a political science major, NO I am never taking another chem class, YES introductory chem at jhu is the LAST encounter i will ever have with chemistry. (which is bittersweet. I love learning, but it is nice to say goodbye to a burden). Oh and I am looking forward to being a writing (english) and hopefully french minor. I want to learn French. My friends are going to help me with that (once again, hopefully).
I gotta go do chem homework
PEACE
Impossible to please
I feel much better like I feel like I coped, in a sense. I just can't shake this ashamed feeling. I feel so bad that I have to resort to being a baby when I don't have sex. Troy told me that I'm impossible to please and I've always told myself that I wasn't impossible to please, but I'm starting to believe I am. Like when we have sex it soooooo good, but like when I have good sex, my body wants more of it and I get the tingly horny feeling all over my body and "area" like I feel so bad right now because idk, I just do cuz Troy's great in bed, he has unbelievable stamina, amazing stroke and he touches my spots like never before, and this happens every time we have sex. But I just get such a thrill from the sex that I want it again.
I feel so bad!!! like how embarrassing is it to admit you have a sex addiction? like how common is that? and it like i can't help myself I love sex and I get so upset at the thought of not having it, that I throw tantrums and hissy fits because I want my fix!
like now I'm about to talk this test called sast (sexual addiction screening test) to see if I have a problem......
idk...... I'm gonna go to bed and find a hobby to occupy me and take me away from the thought of sex and direct my attention to a positive manner........
College is Bringing out the Best (Worst) in me.
Okay, so ever since college, everything that I wanted to do in high school but didn't (for someone reason) I'm doing now....WITH INTEREST! For instance, I told you guys that I smoked a cigarette and a blunt and they were both non-tempting. Well Friday, I decided to give weed another try but this time, it was out of a bong. SOOOOOO MUCH BETTEER!!! Being high is WAAAYYYY better than being drunk. Like, when you're drunk you have that tipsy dizzy feeling but the side effects are you can't see shit, you can't remember or comprehend shit, and you feel nauseous. With weed, you feel dizzy but EVERYTHING is heightened and you're aware of everything around you. Let me tell you about the conversations we had
1. A profound discussion about the purpose of rivets in your fingers
2. Whether Santa Claus is Jesus
3. The purplish color of the sky when it's dark
4. Smoking 1500 pounds of weed.
5. Jarboe being Jesus (Jarboe is one of the guys we were smoking with
And like, weed is soooo cool because I was outside and it was cold as a bitch! I only had on a shirt and no jacket. Well, when I was high, I was cold...........but I didn't know it, lol. Like, my body felt warm but I was shaking like a bitch and Marcelo was like "It's because you're cold". And it made my eyes droopy as shiiiiiiiiiiitttttt. Being high feels sooo goood.
And it was funny because everyone was soo high after a while (It was about 8 of us including me and I only knew 3 people) and Jarboe ordered Insomnia cookies (best cookies in the fucking world) and everyone was like "AHHHHHHHHHHH JARBOE WE LOVVEEEEE YOU!" (Because of course, everyone had serious munchies). So we went inside and watched two episodes of South Park (Which I can barely remember) and ate cookies. I kept eating. I was full but didn't know it lol.
And one more thing, weed makes you hella horny lol :)
P.S. BUYING WEED IS SCARY AS SHITTTT!!! haha
Anywhoooo...Besides my litte weed-fest, Marathon was rescheduled but without a theme and for Drama only. It was REALLLLY dull. No one was there. They even shut down the dance floor because hardly no one came. So I just made out with everyone since there was nothing to do lol. Afterwards, I walked home with Nneka. We were both soo drunk it was ridiculous. I ended up crashing in her room. I was supposed to go to a African-American dinner today but I was too damn sleepy to do anything. So wutev.
This weekend was....quite eventful
P.S. I WENT TO GO SEE RIGHTEOUS KILL!! GO SEEE IT! GREATEST MOVIE EVER
P.S.S. CHARLO IS BACK WITH HIS EX GIRLFRIEND! THAT BITCH!!!!!! lol
but I don't care... I'm probably going to dedicate the rest of my life to black guys.
Suzy in the Pleasure Dome
Okay so i know you guys read the title and was like WTF!?!?! But 2 of my friends here got married Lezandra and Kevin (and Lezandra's bday was thhe other day) so we all decided to go to a strip club.
Going Through Withdrawal
I'm at work right now so this post has to be quick...
I feel so bad right now, like idk why, like I do but I don't really have anyone to talk to so I decided to hurry up back here and right a blog....
I feel so ugh just frustrated because I want to do it. Like I really do and I can't because bf has stuff to do and he can't be two places at once, like we started this morning and he was sleep and I wanted him to wake up so bad cuz I wanted to have sex, but he wouldn't wake up he just kept sleeping and it made me so angry on the inside like, idk I have a problem. I really do. like I even function right cuz I know he's leaving and I have to wait another weekend to see him again, like I feel like I'm going through a withdrawal. And it makes me feel so bad that I feel this way over sex, and Idk I just feel really bad and ashamed of myself that I have come to this, but I can't help it. I try so hard to resist, but its hard, it makes me mad and......... idk, I have to go so I'll finish with another post tonight to see if I feel better or not.
Im so happy with my life right now
Well this weekend has been so good to me. My mother, her friend and Mia came to get me from school on Friday and then i got to drive home, that made me happy cuz i like to drive and long trips make me happy. But then it got home and pulled up in front of my house only to find that my parent had already finished the deal and got my car for me.YES my very own car!!!!!!! That made me happy as shit cuz now i don't have to rid that crowded ass stinky bus home every weekend. Then on Saturday we went out o best buy and bought me a new radio to put in MY car and it is the shit and it has HD radio. how cool is that it like free xm radio. Then we went to this place called movie stop and o got like 4 movies. I also opened my own student checking account in my name and i asked about saving bonds. i feel so on my grown man shit out here trying to get money the legal way and doing big business. Then the thing that made this weekend the best so far is the amazing sex that me and Mia had all weekend OMG I'm drooling just thinking about it. The only thing that could have made this weekend so much better is if i would have got approved for a $500 credit limit on my checking account and if i would have got new speakers. but hay there is always Christmas. lol so that my blog on my life for the next 5 days or so i might type another one. and sorry for the sex thing but then it wouldn't be me if i didn't mention it right. and DEZERAY put my profile shit up you loser.
I Know Its Been A While
Okay so its been a couple weeks since my last post on here, but i dont know nothing really important happened that i thought i should blog about; but heres a couple weeks in review.
okay so i started my work study job, its sooooo awesome my boss is one of the nice women that i have ever met. She's so cool and laid back about everything, like she lets me leave early and still get paid for the whole time i was suppose to be there and plus other than the work i enter into the computer i pretty much dont do anything.
but since i live in an aprtment i had to go out and look for another job so here's a list of jobs that im not qualified for apparently:
1. to work at Macy's (WTF!?!?!)
2. to work at Armani Exchange
3. to work at Lacoste
4. to work at Levi's
5. there are many more but why list any you get the point.
but anyway ended up going for a group interview at Abercrombie. i got the job and im going to work there but i dont know how long ill be able to take the crappy techno and the smell (by the way they spray the mannequins every 30min thats why the smell doesnt EVER go away)
Ummm.... lets see what else....
well i can honestly say that i have made some really good friends here that i really enjoy to hang out with. (even though i still miss my friends from back home "D,J,M,T,L") anyway we all pretty much hang out everyday.
Of course my fam has started getting on my nerves (those of you who know me from back home know how much they can fucking get on my nerves) but the good thing about being here is that if i dont wanna talk to them i can just not answer the fone :)
Well thats pretty much it for now if i think of anything else ill blog
so write u guys later.
Ms Officer
weeeee ooo wee oo weooo we
[blackout]
heightened awareness
slight shift\total distraction
± 100%
Baby making season...
That's what fall reminds me of. Cuddling, smooching, love making, baby making in a sense. So my life has been pretty good nothing to crazy, just everyday life. I dropped my stupid math class, because its not challenging enough. so BOOM, its dropped. I feel happy which is good one less book to carry, one less class and I still have my required credits! YAY ME!!!!!!!
Soooooooo wuts new........
I want a baby. I do its in my mind and now I'm just gonna wait for god to give me my second bouncing baby girl. YES, I mean girl. I have to be the one to produce the first girl on Troy's side of the family! I HAVE TO!!!!!!!! like I just have to, even if not at least the first born great grand child/ grand child. I have to! I love fall and it makes me wanna just idk, do it. My sexual addiction has resurface, which I have been really good at covering, btw, its like my hormones are kicked into overdrive and wants to produce. nevertheless, I can wait... wait and wait for god to bestow me with a little one. When the time is right I know I will get it and be blessed. Then again, since Melanie was such an easy pregnancy, I just know this second little bastard is gonna be a doosey. I'm gonna be sick, angry and fat. Completely opposite of what I was with Mel Mel.I'm confused, I really am.
So I tells troy, I'm gonna copy jas cuz I like taking up space.
- Me- hey I want a baby!
- Troy- (calmly) no
- Me- why I want a baby.
- Troy- (still calm) no
- Me-But I want a baby give me a baby!
- Troy- NO! I'm not giving you a baby!
So I dropped it, left it alone. No point in having an argument about having a baby. I mean if he was to say sure, I'll give you my baby, he doesn't know that my body will not let it happen, like I believe because me and my doctor know things about my body that makes me
- not easy to impregnate
- easy to miscarriage
- luck as hell i stumbled upon Melanie
In short I have a short cervix, not only short but way back in the cut somewhere, so if I want a baby so o........... a year or two from now, I need to start now.
O look at me rambling, I like rambling, I can get my thoughts across and say it to everyone and not have to repeat it. idk food for thought.
I think I'm gonna hit the hay, I have to get up early so i can fix breakfast and not starve the fuck to death by the time I get home. At least I don't have to get Melanie from my aunt's house...
O Her, she another topic.
I hate picking Melanie up from there! I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT !!!!!!!!!!!! I thought I hated going up Miguel's house but GOODNESS I hate going to get Melanie from there, not only to I have to walk 8 blocks, but I have to catch 2-3 buses depending on the route I take. First the 16, which takes me in front of her house, then wait for her to get Melanie ready, then the 35, which takes for ever, the if I choose the 51, which takes a century!!! and then the bus stop is full of crack heads, junkies, and drug dealers, I can't have my two year old around that! SO I get of the 35, and walk up my street. I get off at the end of the 400 south block and I live in the 100 block north. SO I would have to walk 6. but since the 001 block is divided into two blocks (soo stupid) it turn into 7-8 up hill. Then that woman, I hate old ppl who try to tell you how to raise your kids! I can't stand it! like lady you kid is grown and hates you, leave me the fuck alone cuz evidently you ain't did shit right so don't try teach me! like when I went to Miguel's house I had to take 3 buses (same one twice) and walk about 6 blocks down hill, and be home. but the bright side, she walked me to the bus stop ( the good for nothing shit) and waited, and then the bus we caught runs like hot water! so I'd b home fast as shit! compared to down south Baltimore with that miserable ass lady! who wants to charge me a arm and a leg to let my daughter sleep cuz that's all she does there. I just hate it, which is a reason I believe my headache too cuz I really hate going there and seeing her face and hearing her voice, I would much rather take her to her fathers house and have him pay whoever but no I thought this was the better way, boy was I wrong!!!!!!!!
Well Now I think I covered it! lets get a recap
- I want a baby
- Troy doesn't (at the moment)
- I hate my aunt
- but I'm happy
So that's it! I believe that I'm done and can write tomorrow, my mom's off so I'm hella free, so ttyl good nite world! (in Justin's case good evening lol)
"I don't know if I want to be THIS type of popular."
Okay so, someone the other day called me a "slut on the dance floor". At first I was like "What? I'm a slut? Maybe I should stop going to Marathon". But then I thought about it. Every time someone watches me dance, they're eyes get wide not because that's the millionth guy they saw me dance with that night, but because they thought I was "good" (or so they say). So being a "slut on the dance floor" just means that I dance with a bunch of guys who are willing to dance with me. If I have to be a slut, being a Slut of the Dance Floor would be my first pick, lol. Also, people are confusing Nneka (the other black girl) for me. Someone danced with her and was like "We danced before. Jasmine, Right?" And she was like. "Nooo" LOL. That's oober hilarious. (I get around don't I). Plus, me and Marcelo have a rep for pole dancing. :\. I don't know if I want to be THIS type of popular.
So, unfortunately, I might not be going to Marathon this weekend because I already made a promise to God and to myself that I wouldn't, and I don't like breaking my word to God, sooo..... It's because I want some of the unwanted attention on me to die down. Guys think just because I dance freaky on the dance floor that I'm going to sleep with them. HELL NO! If I don't know you and you're not cute, I'm not having sex with you, point blank. I may make-out with you but hell, that's it. I don't want the next rep of me to be an ACTUAL SLUT! That would be bad. ...I might just go to the casino because LEGAL GAMBLING AGE IS 18 IN NEW YORK STATE! WAAAaaa HOOOOOOoooo! So my Residence Hall is going for a "field trip". :)
On a less sluttier note (not really), Charlo and I had an interesting conversation at lunch yesterday. Everything that we said ended up in a sexual conversation:
Puppies: JASMINE: Puppies are soo cute. I'm in love with them. CHARLO: I know. Have you ever seen a puppy you just want to FUCK!? JASMINE: :-0!!!! CHARLO: Kidding!! JASMINE (laughs) I just saw a puppy the other day. CHARLO: And you wanted to fuck it!? JASMINE: No! I wanted to pet it. CHARLO: OK, if that's what you're calling it nowadays Jasmine. JASMINE: (look of concern) CHARLO (laughs) I love you.
So you see, me and Charo have some interesting convos about our sex life. Too bad people think he's gay.
Taste of strawberry in my Throat
Yes, and I mean that literary. Saturday we went to a hookah bar. It was fun, like i really enjoyed its not a harsh smelling at cigarettes or harsh on your lungs like weed... its smooth, and the flavor really sticks to your throat and doesn't make you cough like the other two, its the best of both worlds because you kinda get a little buzz, the calming of cigarettes, and the lifting you get from weed... HOOKAH. What a stress reliever, I wanna go back, or get my own... idk something....
Other news....I don't know really, nothing else is really new... Troy came home we went together to the hookah bar, he claims I bring the bad out of him, bullshit lol he knows he like it. :)
Lets see, work, same, home same, family same, everything is pretty good. I'm had some personal problems but nothing that's bad, just you keeping track of myself. Oh, did I ever mention, I don't believe I did, that I stopped taking my birth control pills?
I didn't well lets begin....
I didn't stop to start getting pregnant, I started so when I'm ready I can easily have one. So I tried stopping before, never worked, I always bleed forever and its messy and its just horrible and it makes me feel really bad about myself, but since I knew troy was gone and I knew that We wasn't having sex like we used to I decided to stop and take what happens as is, and it wasn't like before, I had an heavy period and I just knew that I was gonna b bleeding until October, but it stopped like it stopped with no help from me (normally I just take a bunch of bc and make it stop completely not healthy) So I'm happy that I now feel normal, back to the regular cycle, hopefully I might b a month or 2 before I regular, regular. but I just feel good to not have to remember to take no body's damn pills (sigh) Feels good :-D!!
So that's a story for today, I wasn't sappy and depressed today, I was earlier but now I happy!
What's the big effin deal anyway.....
So another Marathon, Egyptian themed. It was just like any other Marathon except that I wasn't NEARLY as drunk. Actually, by the time I got to the party I was pretty sober, I just acted drunk and that made it a little better. First of all, someone gave me a cigarette and some weed WORST THINGS EVER!! I'm probably like the only person in the world who hates that stuff but I know one thing, I'm never trying it again. Secondly, I'm not going to Marathon for a while because I'm just tired of embarrassing myself, lol. I didn't embarrass myself too bad. The DJ thought I was going to spill my drink on his laptop. Why the fuck would do that. Dumbass Patrick Murney.
Thirdly, I finally proved to the people on my floor that I wasn't a fucking loser. They've never been to a Marathon before and I saw them there and I'm like WTF what is my floor doing here. They loved the party but they didn't know that I party there every weekend so they were like "I'm proud of you. You're always so quiet" And I'm like Bitches, yall don't know me. I'm never quiet. Yall just always see me in my quiet mood, lol. But wutev. They now now how much of a party girl I am.
Fourth, Marcelo left me AGAIN! Even though he promised he wouldn't. But I don't blame him He's been tryna get some for ever and he finally got the chance so I let him do what he was going to do.
Fifth, I danced with Carlos again which was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. He's my fav guy to dance with. Troy is my second fav guy to dance with. James is my third fav guy (I think it's because they're all ethnic, lol). Everyone else needs a little work. Like there's this one dude who always finds me and everytime he dances with me he get's blue balls so bad that he aways squeezes me and almost always chokes the hell out of me, lol. I seriously have to watch out for him. All the other guys I dance with, I have no idea who they are. Most of the black guys there are sucky dancers (Which is surprising). So, wutev. I won't be going to a Marathon for a while so maybe when I go back they'll be better ones
Sixth, after the cops made us bounce, I went with Josh, some girl, and Nneka to Insomnia cookies. We were getting so many stares (mainly me) because I had on this short as shorts but I had on a long ass jacket. So it looked like I was naked. But it was fun though, I was with people so I know that I wasn't going to get raped. And me and Nneka (being the only black girls) were about to kick these two white chicks ass because they were talking shit about someone's friend. I don't know who she was but she's a drama person so I had to stick up for her, lol.
By the time my day was over, I was completely sober. I remember every single detail which is good. I don't know. I'm starting to think my hard party days are coming to an end. I kind of want to chill.......
So much to do, only one weekend
Today, was a good day! I just felt good, maybe because I finally have new clothes to wear! like not jeans but just dressy causal clothes that make me feel smart and sexy!
So to my title.........
So much to do in only a few days to do it.... my list goes like this...
- go to a bar
- get tattoo's
- go to a party
- go to a hookah bar
- do it
- work
- be a mom
Just a whole bunch in like no time! I know I'm going to the hookah bar Saturday! I even did like research on what hookah is and the flavors. Like I read a book about the middle east and the girls father smoked a water pipe like I didn't know that, that was hookah you! learn something new everyday.
So I'm just uber happy and idk what else to say!
Oh yea wish me luck because tomorrow is the test out day for my stupid ass math class, wish me luck!!!!!
Cheez-It!!!
I don't really know what to put in this blog........
Well, the most important thing is, Charlo has finally made an effort to make a relationship with me lol. (Btw, Charlo is this TOTALLY AMAZING guy in my CORE who I'm in love with) Anyway, today, in Voice, I was doing something with my pants and he goes "Are you okay?" And I'm like "You know how when you're sick and you get sick pain? Well I'm sick and I have sick pain". So I squat...grab the crotch part of my sweatpants (I didn't actually grab my crotch) Then I made this face (you know those Jasmine faces I always make). I did it because my legs were hurting. So he laughs and he goes, "I'm in love with you SOOOO much". Then, I couldn't stop smiling. That's the second time he's told me he loved me in the past two weeks. The first time I ignored it because it was after we did an assignment: Here's the assignment because it was amazing.
So we had to come into Acting class one day as our opposite. Well, there were 3 BIG assholes in the class (As opposites), and one little asshole. I was a Big asshole since I'm completely the opposite in real life. So was Charlo and this boy Matt. Well, after a while, me and Charlo realized that neither one of us got along with Matt (his opposite) so we formed like this asshole crew that Julie (The little asshole) joined in on. So we were the asshole triangle by the end of class. It was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. So at the end of the day, Charlo comes up to me and is like "You're the only person I talked to. I liked you". So I was like oh okay cool...so he likes me as an asshole. Great. But then we were on the bus stop and he goes "I love you. You're so funny". And I'm like yaay, he loves me...but I didn't dwell too much on it, lol. So then we have lunch together and he's like "We're the same person" blah blah blah. Like all of these things about how much we have in common and I'm like "Too bad opposites attract" LOL.
But I'm cool. I do like him but I like him on a level where I know it's not going to be serious between us. I'm perfectly okay with making him like me...and then being satisfied lol. If I can get him to that point, I'm fine and I can move on with my life. Until then, mission "Attract Charlo" is still in it's baby days.
Btw, I found out he wasn't the one that wrote all the comments about how I was pretty and stuff...Liam did (I LOVEEEEEE Liam). But, he did write that I have cute dimples lol.
stacks on deck, patron on ice, and we can pop bottles all night baby
I feel terrible about not having time to blog. I have a billion drafts on here because every time i start to write something i have to leave. But its seriously because I've been SO BUSY here. First of all life here has been so social. I have this really close group of friends: Kerri, Coia, Amanda, and then there's Catherine (kerri's roommate), RayRay (we have similar taste in guys lol), Ade (he makes me laugh), Mercy (we have a lot of the same classes), and some others that like I just met but are really cool. Some are ... interesting ... like these two sketch guys from Wolman who will remain nameless for now. Others I dont even really know yet but seem cool like this guy TJ who hangs around with Amelia and this other guy. He has a lot of charisma - I NEVER remember names of people I just met but I remember his because he said if he were a girl he would want his name to be Dezeray. he seems silly lol. And there's like those who i wish I saw around more, like Rebka (gotta love her) and Natalie (she makes the cutest imitational sounds and she recognizes my shampoo :D) and Tosin (she's IN my dorm but I still never see her!! wtf) and Tirsit (she is SO awesome. the first thing I remember about her is her telling everyone what she didn't like). Everyone here is cool in their own way, and I love that about here. We all just click, like, so easy.
Anyway this past weekend was very exciting. After the eventless week, where the most noteworthy thing we did was go to Towson mall where Kerri bought all this stuff and then we got lost trying to get home because this guy gave us bad directions. And another day we went to a Walmart and Target that I've never been to. But this weekend the frats opened their doors for another wonderful two days and I was ecstatic lol. My weekend started on Thursday, when Amanda, Nigel and I went to the den. The Den is this bar. They had cheap drinks, 2 shots for 5 bucks, but before you form opinions about me in your head I did not drink more than a shot, +/- 0.5 shots. So of course at MOST I could only have been buzzed. In case you havent noticed I drink a lot less than I did in high school. In high school, you know, we had that expensive hardcore stuff that burned your throat and that had to be hidden in thermoses and mixed with other drinks like coke or cranberry juice. And I downed that stuff. But in college, I don't drink that much, if I drink at all. I don't drink at frats because of the germs and potential roofies. i would rather drink on my own and then go, or have something in a can or bottle. Besides I dont really like beer.
Anyway the Den was crazy fun, I could not stop dancing once I started lol. What I like about the bar is that there are lots of places to sit, or stand up on and dance. And it's also different in that you don't have to dance with guys. You can dance with like, your girls. Which you know looks sexy lol. And it's funny cause like you can tell people are watching but you know they won't have the guts to come dance with you because of the scene lol. In a bar you could get rejected if you try to dance with someone lol, especially if they look out of your reach. So yeah the bar is interesting. At the frats you get a little more satisfaction lol though because people dance with random people. I particularly like pike and a close second is wawa. And sigep was nice too. Their drinks looked cleaner and if I had to choose one to drink at it'd be them. I liked it there too. Actually the only thing I didn't like about there is that the guy we were with fucked up the music trying to adjust the blacklight so we had to hurry and get out of there lol. it had just cut off and no one knew why but those two. Pike has THE BEST music - music I can really get loose to - and wawa has AC which makes it easier to dance. But I don't know about the guys in wawa. There were these few guys who liked watched us for ever and right when we were about to move they tried to introduce themselves to us and we were like, ew, lol. Even jasmine at syracuse can tell you - plotting is gross. Still, wawa is like one of the best. Pike is like my favorite though.
Oh and one thing about frats here - the floor. Don't ever wear flip flops, EVER. You will step in puddles of alcohol and people will spill stuff on your foot, and you will have to watch where you walk because there empty cups and deep puddles of spilled drinks everywhere. Just wear shoes that cover your feet, please. And dont wear heels. Frat hopping means walking a lot, and then how can you dance if you can't stand up? Barefoot isn't an option lol. Either way, I wish i could get my friends from home to come to pike with me. I think mia would like it if she were a little buzzed, and I KNOW jasmine would. lisandra should. you can't have inhibitions if you come with us - cause we just get out there and dance.
This past weekend on Friday there was this party in the glass pav thrown by like one of the black sororities / fraternities. It was like dually hosted by a frat/sorority at Morgan. It was fun even though you had to pay to get in. Someone paid for me; i wasn't gonna go at first lol. It was just annoying how the party was in the glass pav. Its an effing glass building! All it was was hella lights everywhere and hella space. Like, it took until it was almost over for people to dance with people. If it were darker and smaller people would have had more fun, like at the one I went to at morgan or like the one the bsu threw here in Levering hall. I enjoyed myself a lot at the end lol. I did get creeped out by this one guy who tried to get me to call his phone so he would have my number but it wasn't something a quick lie couldn't take care of. Some of my friends (i.e. two stooges guys 1 and 2) came to the party drunk lol. Idk. There was another one there Saturday that was also dually hosted by us and Morgan but I think the first one was better. I got here late cause I went with Troy and Mia to this really fun orioles game and Melanie was so adorable the whole time so I missed going to pike but when i got back they had just arrived at the glass pav party so I met them there. I didnt pay for this one either, I just basically walked in *wink wink*. This one was mediocre. We were there for about two seconds, and then we left. Most of our time was spent trying to talk ourselves out of dancing with these creepos that were all the way on the other side of the room sending messengers and crap to talk to us. We were like, eh, no. We tried to go back to pike or wawa but the cops had shut them down. I was thouroughly disappointed that the cops killed my rites of passage but we went to go chill outside on that strip (where university market and subway are) cause thats where everyone who got kicked out of the frats went and mingled. it was still fun there cause we met a lot of funny people. I met TJ (again?) and like scored food from people I didnt even know lol. Its great there because random people always start conversations with random people. There were some very interesting people we met that night, like this one guy who was a comedian and his friend was like ' i went to law school and i own my own business' and this other guy who was drunk and kept introducing himself as adam from towson who plays lacrosse and tried to give us our chain so we would go with him in his car (um , no!).
Anyway I have a class at 1:30 so i gotta jet. The night ended when we all went back to Wolman and fell asleep on the couches watching Tv. me and kerri got up at 8 something to go back because amanda got up and left us lmao but seriously i gotta go im so glad i got kind of caught up with blogging
Mile High Club
SOOOOOOOOOoooooo....
You're probably sitting there asking yourself: "Mile High Club? What? You joined the Mile High Club?" No...I didn't. Not the official one anyway. Marathon this weekend had the theme of "Mile High Club" and it was (rather) amazing. I wore this button up shirt, that was buttoned wrong, this slutty ass shorts that wouldn't zippen, this fucked up tie, and then to finish it off, this girl made me "condom wings" haha. It was awesome.
So, I "pre-gamed" (i hate that word) in Marcelo's room. We played the drinking game called "Kings" (A-M-A-Z-I-N-G). So, we walked to Marathon all half drunk and what-not. We got lost a few times but then we somehow made it to the Marathon house, and of course, the first thing I did, was go to the dance floor. The dance floor was a little weak at first and the guys I danced with COULD NOT DANCE AT ALLLL!! I slipped and fell once while dancing and this other guy slipped and fell while dancing so I walked away from him (lol). [btw...i hate when you can tell that someone wants to dance with you cuz they keep moving behind you, lol. I didn't want to dance with him but I was like "Fuck it"]. I danced against the wall and like some guy started dancing against me and I turn around to see and it's Mark Dorenfast, the gay senior rep. So I was like..."ohh it's okay, he's gay, lol." So, I watched two people from my CORE make out, Natasha and Matt (don't ask why I watched. I was drunk). Emily, my other friend, was HELLA drunk and I was like..."I need to make out with someone" and she was like "I'll make out with you" haha. We didn't make out. I wasn't that drunk.
SOOOOOOOOOooooooo....
I followed Charlo around (Covertly) because I wanted to FUCKING KISS HIM! But this asshole kept moving. He seems really fidgety when he's drunk. It's cute. So I was like "Fuck it. Maybe next Marathon". So Marathon was OKAY! It didnt knock my socks off. But I always get a kick out of it because I always make some guy OOBER HORNY because they always pull at me to dance with them or follow me around and like while we're dancing they'll hold onto me extra tight and I'm like "Chill, nigga, chill". (But it's fun to know you have that effect). Or like, some gay guy is always like "I LOVEEE THIS GIRLL!! YOU BETTER WORK IT GIRL!! YOU BETTER WORK IT!!" (I attract hella gay guys...it's ridiculous)
SOOOOOOOOOooooooo....
Marcelo and Millly left me (of course). I checked my phone it said 1:30 so I knew they left. And it was raining. IT'S ALWAYS FUCKING RAINING! So, I call them and of course, Marcel's always lke "I'm sorry" and I'm always like "Its (fucking) Okay" So. I start walking (mind you, I don't know what the fuck I'm thinking. It's POURING down raining...and I mean POURING...and my dorm is like 30 minutes away and it's 1 FUCKING 30 IN THE MORNING and he calls me and he's like "My Big is going to come and get you". So I run back to the house, wait (...in the rain...) and I don't see him. So I start walking again and I get about half a mile away and he calls again like "My BIG is there waiting for you" So I fucking...RUN BACK. My weave is drenched (but it's okay cuz I had a perm), and I'm half naked running in the rain. So I get there, and the cutest thing happens...
Charlo stumbles out of the house (I thought he left btw) and goes "HIIIIII" and waves and smiles and stumbles off to the backyard. So cute.
Anyway, I find his BIG and he drives me home. I come home, sobered up a bit, comb out my weave, fix my room up a bit and fall asleep. This has been the first time I've been sober when I came home, so sober that I remember everything! But, I feel good now! My weave looks A-M-A-Z-I-N-G because it's curly from getting wet and I don't have a hangover.
The only thing I regret it 1) not making out with Charlo. And 2) Scratching up my phone (my father will flip).
But it's ALLLL GOOOOoooDDDDdddd.