That's what fall reminds me of. Cuddling, smooching, love making, baby making in a sense. So my life has been pretty good nothing to crazy, just everyday life. I dropped my stupid math class, because its not challenging enough. so BOOM, its dropped. I feel happy which is good one less book to carry, one less class and I still have my required credits! YAY ME!!!!!!!
Soooooooo wuts new........
I want a baby. I do its in my mind and now I'm just gonna wait for god to give me my second bouncing baby girl. YES, I mean girl. I have to be the one to produce the first girl on Troy's side of the family! I HAVE TO!!!!!!!! like I just have to, even if not at least the first born great grand child/ grand child. I have to! I love fall and it makes me wanna just idk, do it. My sexual addiction has resurface, which I have been really good at covering, btw, its like my hormones are kicked into overdrive and wants to produce. nevertheless, I can wait... wait and wait for god to bestow me with a little one. When the time is right I know I will get it and be blessed. Then again, since Melanie was such an easy pregnancy, I just know this second little bastard is gonna be a doosey. I'm gonna be sick, angry and fat. Completely opposite of what I was with Mel Mel.I'm confused, I really am.
So I tells troy, I'm gonna copy jas cuz I like taking up space.
- Me- hey I want a baby!
- Troy- (calmly) no
- Me- why I want a baby.
- Troy- (still calm) no
- Me-But I want a baby give me a baby!
- Troy- NO! I'm not giving you a baby!
So I dropped it, left it alone. No point in having an argument about having a baby. I mean if he was to say sure, I'll give you my baby, he doesn't know that my body will not let it happen, like I believe because me and my doctor know things about my body that makes me
- not easy to impregnate
- easy to miscarriage
- luck as hell i stumbled upon Melanie
In short I have a short cervix, not only short but way back in the cut somewhere, so if I want a baby so o........... a year or two from now, I need to start now.
O look at me rambling, I like rambling, I can get my thoughts across and say it to everyone and not have to repeat it. idk food for thought.
I think I'm gonna hit the hay, I have to get up early so i can fix breakfast and not starve the fuck to death by the time I get home. At least I don't have to get Melanie from my aunt's house...
O Her, she another topic.
I hate picking Melanie up from there! I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT !!!!!!!!!!!! I thought I hated going up Miguel's house but GOODNESS I hate going to get Melanie from there, not only to I have to walk 8 blocks, but I have to catch 2-3 buses depending on the route I take. First the 16, which takes me in front of her house, then wait for her to get Melanie ready, then the 35, which takes for ever, the if I choose the 51, which takes a century!!! and then the bus stop is full of crack heads, junkies, and drug dealers, I can't have my two year old around that! SO I get of the 35, and walk up my street. I get off at the end of the 400 south block and I live in the 100 block north. SO I would have to walk 6. but since the 001 block is divided into two blocks (soo stupid) it turn into 7-8 up hill. Then that woman, I hate old ppl who try to tell you how to raise your kids! I can't stand it! like lady you kid is grown and hates you, leave me the fuck alone cuz evidently you ain't did shit right so don't try teach me! like when I went to Miguel's house I had to take 3 buses (same one twice) and walk about 6 blocks down hill, and be home. but the bright side, she walked me to the bus stop ( the good for nothing shit) and waited, and then the bus we caught runs like hot water! so I'd b home fast as shit! compared to down south Baltimore with that miserable ass lady! who wants to charge me a arm and a leg to let my daughter sleep cuz that's all she does there. I just hate it, which is a reason I believe my headache too cuz I really hate going there and seeing her face and hearing her voice, I would much rather take her to her fathers house and have him pay whoever but no I thought this was the better way, boy was I wrong!!!!!!!!
Well Now I think I covered it! lets get a recap
- I want a baby
- Troy doesn't (at the moment)
- I hate my aunt
- but I'm happy
So that's it! I believe that I'm done and can write tomorrow, my mom's off so I'm hella free, so ttyl good nite world! (in Justin's case good evening lol)
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