I usually try not to blog about my romantic/sex/private life but I will make a one time exception for sake of creative expression. Sometimes you just feel so inspired and this is def. one of those times. I don't think I've ever been this inspired ... at least not since I was a kid.
So today I had the best date ever. Every time I hang out with this guy, I think he topped the list of awesome times i ever had alone with someone. But behold! He manages to top it again. Idk how he outdoes himself every time. He's definitely not perfect, i still get mad at him all the time like always, and he does mess up A LOT. Part of that is my fault because I dont know what I want, all I know is how I feel. I can't expect him to know what I want when I don't. So anyway it's like I am learning about myself by trial and error I guess. I'm sorry I'm so unpredictable but it is how it is. I still can't say where things are going or what they are now, but to be honest I don't care. All I care about is right now. It's all I can do - if not, I would break down trying to figure out this complex life I live.
Anyway so tonight we finally did this thing we always wanted to do and went out to a park and stargaze. At first we were going to go to a lake, but the park was better. The lake wasn't as secluded and the park felt like we were camping in the woods. Also when I found out the park had a certain level of sentimental value for him it made me feel special. I mean idk about him but I wouldn't take just anybody to a place my dad used to take me to. It was like a campground, it was so cool. We were just talking and having a good time for so long. It was like I felt totally free, like I could just be myself and be weird and not care what anyone thought. Here I was with someone else who actually wanted to do the same weird thing I wanted to do. I never thought my fantasy of stargazing in a field at night would come true because it was weird, something I was embarrassed to suggest. After my eyes adjusted it seemed like so many stars were out, and we KNOW we saw a shooting star (at first I thought it was just me until he pointed it out too). And best of all he knows constellations. I couldnt stop making the big dipper out of everything (fail). He found Orion's belt and the stars were actually twinkling. It was just so surreal like I'm still in shock. I can't believe I actually got to have that experience. I'm growing up so fast... I guess ... Like here I am in college living out a fantasy I had for as long as I can remember ... like its like wow anything really can come true.
Oh yea so of course after all of that amazing fantasy stuff, I was going to seal the memory forever. It was so cool, having sex all over my car, in the middle of the park. I thought stuff like that only happened in movies. The air was so crisp and fresh, the grass was dewy, you could hear crickets (and cars in the background -_- we are still in the city after all). I felt like if I screamed in the woods no one would hear me so I did. I felt so truly uninhibited. Like I still can't believe I was outside in a shirt and heels on my trunk and out of the backseat door and driver seat door and hood and everything. Like, I was in disbelief the whole time like is this really happening?
I just feel so lucky because it was so real like ... I feel so alive and inspired. Maybe something like this is what led the author of Twilight to write her work.
Tomorrow I am going to wake up and this memory is going to start fading from crisp and fresh to the blurry kind that makes you feel nostalgic. That's why i had to write this now and break my rule of no private life in my blog. There is no other experience that could inspire me like this one did right now and this type of blog from me will probably never happen again.
-Dez Out
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