No Sex, No Baby

That was a direct response to Dez cause if you wasn't having sex, you wouldn't have to worry about birth control. Number 2: the fact that you lay your clear nuva ring around is nasty and I will never touch another surface in your room out of concern for my health!! I am an oral person and I bite my nails and put my fingers in my mouth and I could have....ewww! I don't even want to think about that.

Anyway, so I think I'm enforcing this "No Sex, No Baby" ideal into my own life. I haven't put it out there clearly but I've reconnected with Gregory. I know its a fail cause I keep telling myself that I am totally and completely done with him and then he calls and I'm like all dumb and stuff. Like I don't know what it is but its like I can't even look him in the eyes or I'll melt the puddy and just do whatever he wants. Anyway, so the other night, I was being a good student and trying to study but I ended up on the phone with him and before I knew it, it was 11 pm and I was driving over to pick him up. I know that was bad already cause I shouldn't have picked him up at midnight but I wanted to see him and talk to him and the only way I can tell if he's lying is to be there with him and see him. So thats what I did. So I picked him up and we drove to this spot.

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So about the spot, it started one night when me, him and Nikea were in the car and I drove around randomly til we found it but he knew exactly where we were even and didn't even tell me and Nikki that he knew exactly.

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Anyway, so we're at the spot and we start talking bout me and him and what's been going on. I find out he has court in October for drug charges and clearly I am not surprised. So he's like he really missed me and all that game. I mean I've known him since I was 12 and I know the game he spits, can't fool me nigga! Anyway, so we wrestle for a little bit cause I ain't want to sit on his lap (cause that was not why we were there!!), and he drags me over to the passenger seat (reason A why I need to gain weight! People think they can just pick me up!). So I'm sitting there and he's talking about sex and about how he can't wait and that he better not be number 2 cause he gonna know and he gonna make it hurt (NOT COOL! I like arguing with him and getting him fired up but pain is not in gameplan!) and how he just loves me and then he makes the SEXIEST face. Its like he looked at me with them big deer eyes and bites his lip. ugh!! I hate that face! So I ask him why he's looking at me like that? and he's like nothing your just really pretty and I've waited so long just to hold you and I'm just so happy to be here! (AWWWWW my heart was of course melting!) and I just giggled like I normally do and he was like its like beyond sex with you and like I used to just be horny thinking bout you but now I actually wouldn't mind awaking and your still here. And I didn't really reply but I was happy and I looked down and he tilted my head up to look at him and I was just grinning. So he sat there holding me for like 20 minutes and we were listening to trey songz and he was talking bout music and I was getting sleepy and then out of left field he was like "I want some. Touch me." and of course I said NO! and he was like are you saying no cause you don't want to or are you saying no cause you think I have a girl. And I didn't answer and he was like "if you think I have a girl, I'll just leave and walk home and never talk to you! I'm would NOT lie to you!!" and he wasn't. Lol and then he was like are you scared of what would happen? Cause I promise nothing will happen (but he had this look like sike on his face) and then he corrected him self and was like I'll try my hardest for nothing to happen and that was a fail. So of course, you should know where it went from here (cause this ain't porn so I ain't telling you!) but we did NOT have sex for the simple reason that I do love him but I'm not trying to get pregnant no time soon and his goal is to get my pregnant so I want to be on birth control before we have sex.

So anyway, back to my original statement. I feel that I am clearly to immature to have a baby because I will go a day without eating because I'm too lazy to get up and cook and if Greg is the father, my baby will be so messed up. Like I'm lazy so I would always complain about getting up and feeding or changing the baby and Greg is a trouble maker so he would be in jail (lol) and my baby wouldn't have a daddy to take care of him. So basically, in order to prevent any .01% possibility of pregnancy, I'm just not having sex with anyone. Now a lot of people are like I'm just paranoid about it but think about it. A lot of once in a life time shit happens to me. Like for example, swine flu. How was I the ONLY person to catch it and then when I came to work no one else got sick from working with me! FAIL! So I feel like it would be my damn luck that I get pregnant on the first time with a condom and on the pill. Plus Greg says he doesn't want to use condoms. Like I am not catching anything from that fail boy so unprotected sex ain't an option and me and him need to have a serious talk bout it!!

On A Mission!

Sandra/Becky Out!