So I came to conclusion that I do not have a substance abuse problem. I just tend to want to do things I like multiple times. As my favorite quote goes:
"Try everything once, and if you like it try again."
I couldn't repeat that phrase enough! The person who told me was this friend of mine in like the 10th grade, someone who introduced me to a lot of things, and although I'll probably never see him again, that phrase is going to stick with me forever.
Let me explain.
I never do homework or study. I would leave class and know that I should review my notes but not do it. I had this attitude where I was like I dont care if I should be studying - I don't like it. Up until like last week, I wouldnt dare pick up a book or a pen or sheet of paper if I wasnt in class. Even in class, I would still manage to completely blow off learning. So in this case, you can see I consistently blew off work because I didn't like it.
Ok so me knowing this is bad had to change it. I called my twin and we decided to motivate ourselves and study. We started going to Notre Dame to study (because I needed a change in environment, Hopkins is where I party and sleep). Well, I liked doing that so now I want to study ALL the time.
It's like magic. Basically I can get rid of any bad habit with a mental thing - just train my brain to like something else.
At one point I was feeling like I was addicted to sex with one person (person A). I figured this was bad (addictive behavior) so I combated it by finding something else I liked and capitalizing on it. Thats how person B and C got into the picture. No I did not have sex with person B and C. But it did stop my addictive behavior. :-D
This new mental control is like the single most powerful thing I discovered I have since I discovered I was beautiful!
Ok I don't really know of a good way to say this but as it stands I'm able to manipulate a lot of different types of people. I wonder if deep down I always had this kind of mental power ... like is there a reason why all my teachers always liked me? I mean usually kids who the teacher always like are called teachers pets but not me, all my classmates always liked me. I hope it wasn't me being manipulative - manipulating the teachers, manipulating the students. Mr. Damseaux once told me I would make a good Cornell student because I was extremely good at succeeding relative to my peers. And you know he is always right!!
KNIFE. CUT THE TRACK FOR A SECOND. I NEED A DISCLAIMER now lol
-----i do not mean manipulative as in a bad way. I mean it more so being able to read and deal with people. knowing how people tick and how to interact with them-------------
END DISCLAIMER
I also observed this trait in my youngest brother. He can be quite manipulative at times... not in a bad way, but basically he can always get whatever he wants, always get away with anything, always makes himself look like the "good" one in any situation. He has a lot of people believing he can do no wrong when he does the most bad things out of anyone I know.
I look at him and wonder am I really like that? That's the kind of person who can.... and will.... be successful. (@Drake)
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