I just want to go out in the world and just start taking what I want, deep down. I just feel this urge to go out in the world and GET! I want to get money $$$$, get experience, get to network with bosses and go after what I really want.
I feel like the girl Kanye West was singing about when he said
"Now, tell me that aint insecure
The concept of school seemed so secure
Went 4 or 3 years aint picked a career"
Like college is fine and all but I want to use it as a stepping stone to get ahead in life and not just a thing to do just to be doing. I started looking for a part time job but then my grandmother found out! And she and I had a talk and she really wants me to be content with going to college and getting an education for now. She's like I have my whole life to work. I agree, I do have my whole life to work but I want to start now! This is the same dead end I reached when I wanted a part time job in high school. Now that I'm in college its the same story. Its like everyone wants me to get this magic degree but they want that to be my only focus in life. What am I, some robot designed to be an education machine? Well I got news for you I want to do other things. Of course I want an education but I see it as a supplement to the main thing which is pursuing my dreams. I like other things too like drawing anime, doing gymnastics, and writing stories, and especially dancing! I'm SO tired of not exploring my other interests!!
I feel like it would have been nice to feel like I contributed to buying my first car, you know. It would be nice to look at it and be like I had to sacrifice x,y, and z to get it. I understand that my grandmother is retired and knows best and I should listen to her and she just wants to take care of me - but it's to the point where I can't even focus in school anymore cause it seems like its not getting me anywhere. And like i keep finding things to give me an adrenaline rush like skipping school, getting pierced, and substance abuse and I feel like if I had things to do like at a job I wouldn't be dying to express myself in those ways.
I mean dont get me wrong I dont mind bumming out, drinking, and partying but at least I recognize that I should earn it lol. I want to be able to support my own lifestyle eventually because right now everyone pays for my lifestyle BUT me. Honestly I dont even care about the $$$ i can be in super debt if I have to but I want to be famous. Actually I'm dying to be famous. I crave power, and I want so badly to take the world and choke it until it coughs up money and power AND FAME!! Even if that means waitressing!!
Dez Out
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