Dont Ask, Dont Tell

I feel it is necessary to blog about VICES. I mean all I did today was skip ALL 5 of my classes and smoke so I had a lot of time on my hands. Besides I don't have class tomorrow. The title is because to my family and to most people I am an angel. On paper I'm a straight A student, IB diploma recipient, goody two shoes, role model, perfect daughter. From the outside looking in I'm the all american dream. Never do anything bad.

But to the very few people who do know me, I'm completely not that picture perfect. I drink and get high on a regular basis, blow off school, sleep all day, hook up, waste money, party, blah blah blah. Like I am this totally alternative girl trapped in the body of a totally straightlaced girl and I wonder how different my life would be if I was out in the open with it. My favorite 3 things are drugs music and alcohol! In my circle of friends I guess I would be the substance abuser but at least I am not the promiscuous girl. Haha that would never be me.

Anyway I was thinking about why I always have to keep up this role model image cause its what everyone is used to. I mean my family knows I went and got a tattoo and a piercing and they know I blasted rock music all through high school and like they know I have a lot of friends. Frankly I think they know I'm not as good as they think I am but are just turning a blind eye to it. A while back I casually asked my grandmother for my health insurance card and she told me I should just keep it. I didn't think anything of it until some time later when me and my cousin were talking and she asked me (between me and her) if I secretly went and had an abortion. Excuse me? Is that what people home thought? They were wrong I just wanted to fill a prescription! Either way it was never addressed and I was shocked that they thought that had happened and they were just gonna let something that big slide without bringing it up.

Anyway I shouldnt have been surprised cause that's how things at my house work. Don't ask, don't tell. You just don't talk about certain things in our house. You just always keep up the perfect family image. I don't really like this because life is imperfect, everyone has vices, and I don't think we should hide our flaws. We should be open and honest with each other all the time and not cover up how we live. And always be our true natural selves. They should know the real me instead of the perfect plastic version. I want my kids to always feel free to talk about anything and not hide things from me. If my 16 year old daughter was a pothead I wouldn't care its better her being one out in the open than me turning a blind eye to it cause I just want my house to be tension free. True Unconditional love all around. And I don't care if my kids don't want to go college if they have another plan its fine and guess what? Even if they were total bums with no goals I would love them (although I would be disappointed and constantly try to get them jobs lol I would never judge them or love them less). I don't like judgement and in my house everything will be out on the table cause the truth is the truth is the truth whether you hide it or not.

Dez Out