I ask God for marriage

So, when it comes to reading, I am highly influenced. I just got done reading this book called, "Drama in the Church" and dispite the drama, it had a very good under lying message and that was if you ask and you shall recieve. Now all my life when I pray I always thought it was selfish to pray for myself, so I always pray for everyone else's well being and either not mention me, or mention me last. But i realized that how can I ask God for something if I never pray for it. And the one thing that I realized that I want it to be married. I realized that my consious must be huge because there are very few things that I do without feeling bad about. Like I love sex, it is my true weakness. Out of all the seven deadly sins, Lust is my fall point. (hmmm maybe I should ask God for the strength to grown out of my lustful ways) I love having sex with Troy, but sometimes in the back of my mind I feel bad no matter how good or bad the sex was I feel bad after the act was commited. But last night was kinda different. We had sex, and I was in control. When I have sex with my bf I don't like to be in control, but (this was when I used to cheat) when I have sex with just a ONS, I'll be in control because I love the power that it gives me. I love to hear them say all kinds of dirty things that they say they'd never say. I love to control my muscles down there and send shivers up and down there spines, I LOVE THE POWER THAT MY PUSSY HOLDS OVER THEM!!! It made me feel alive!!!! Like for a brief moment, even thought I was stuffed up and congested, I felt clear and open, and powerful! Now to Troy, it may have looked like I wasn't into it at all but, in my mind, I was feeling all the power I had, how weak he seemed to me, I felt a way I havent felt in years... It was like a drug. It was my high... it was everything that I could have ever wanted. (sry Troy lol)

Now, you may wonder how this has anything to do with God, Well I'll tell you this. I am a sex addict. I love sex as I mentioned before, but I was raised in the church so I kind of have this internal conflict cuz I love to lust and fornicate, but I worry about where my soul will rest for enternity seeing as thought tomarrow is never promised.

Strange? I know... lol

I have been keeping my sex addict under wraps lately, seeing as though I am with Troy and we just had our son together. So sex hasn't really been on my mind because I am tired and adjusting to life with 2 kids. But that still doesn't stop my pussy from throbbing every night and it doesn't stop my pussy from getting wet, but I noticed what does stop me from having sex like I want to tired or not tired, is the fact that Troy doesn't do things that will make my water go from a stream to a lake if you get what I mean... But I think I'll be able to cope with that seeing as thought my new drug is not cumming, which it was when I am with my bf, but instead making him weak to my pussy powers. Doing things to him that will leave him lusting me long after he's sleep, to make him go into an instant coma after he let himself go.

I think I am done, putting my addiction on snooze, its awake now, and it's on the prowl... I can't wait until tonight when I can get another hit from my drug

hmmmm.......... maybe I will take Troy up on his offer of getting a girlfriend, I can't sleep with guys, but he didn't say I couldn't sleep with a girl...

Back to the topic, I pray to God for marriage because I know then, and only then will I be contained, I'll be the perfect little housewife, and freaky little closet freak in the room, but for now, I'm too wild, and it's getting harder and harder to contain myself, but if Troy's willing to help and step out of the box, I'm sure this cat will become the little kitten he's used to

=)

Until next time,

~Mia~