13 days left

It's alot so lets get started...
day 9 through day 22

Day 9.
Dear PostSecret,

I wanna join the military so bad, but I'm scared to.

Love,
Mia

I do. To me the military is so sexy and so strong, everything I never felt I was. I love how strong the men in the army appear and how patriotic they are. The thought of them makes me feel warm and safe.


Day 10
Dear PostSecret,

I lost my virginity Dec. 9, 2003. I regret not the person I lost it with, but the age that it was done.

Love,
Mia

I was 13 years old when I lost my virginity. I was so young and so naive, like it makes me feel bad sometimes when I think of how young and I was. I lost it young because I felt that no one would like me or want me unless I just gave it up, I figured once it was gone I wouldn't have to worry about people asking for it and making me think they liked me when really all they wanted was to sleep with me. Yea I know it's a stupid reason but I was young like I said. I wish I could've just waited until I had some sense enough to know what I was actually getting into.

Day 11
Dear PostSecret,

I wish we where closer. I wish we didn't fight so much.

Love,
Mia

I love my brother. We used to be close when I was younger, but when I got older it seemed like we grew apart. It makes me jealous when I see his cousin Sean and Neka's reactions between each other, they are so close and I'm sure they fight, but I've never seen them fight. It also makes me jealous when him and his brothers all go out but when I ask him like I wanna go he'll say oh you gotta be older or something and his other brother is younger than me. And when I say something to my mother she always told me it's cuz I'm a girl. All i ever wanted was a close relationship with my brother.

Day 12
Dear PostSecret,

I'm afraid the world will end in 2012 and I haven't accomplished anything.

Love,
Mia

I am deathly afraid of being a failure or failing. And this whole 2012 thing is scary to me. Yea it may not be true but only time will tell, but in the meantime, me abruptly dying before my full adult life, or my kids adult life scares me.

Day 13
Dear PostSecret,

I want to be a firefighter because they're hot!! :)

Love,
Mia

This kind of co-relates with the military thing... NEXT!

Day 14
Dear PostSecret,

I was 5 years old when I first masturbated. Idk what made me or what prompted me to, all I kno is from 5-13 I did it constantly.

Love,
Mia

I don't know how to explain or give the story behind this one. I was 5 and once I was alone long enough from 5 on up I would do it for HOURS! I would make myself come like 50 times a night every other day. Just constantly, I loved the way it felt, the way it made me feel... I know it was young and I can't change that I just wish I knew what made me start.

Day 15
Dear PostSecret,

I've always wanted to rob something lol but my heart wouldn't allow me.

Love,
Mia

I just always wanted to rob something and get away with it, but the idea of getting caught scares me. I don't wanna go to jail lol

Day 16
Dear PostSecret,

When I was younger I swore I was adopted. If I was it would explain why I'm not like anybody else in my family.

Love,
Mia

I am lovey, dovey sugar and spice with everything nice. My mother and brother are so to themselves and don't show there emotions on there sleeves like me like I never felt like I belonged with them. I always felt like the black sheep in my family and when I was younger being adopted would've just explained everything to me. Seeing as those I am not, I'm left with more questions :(

Day 17
Dear PostSecret,

Small things always make me feel special.

Love,
Mia

I've always felt so insignificant that even the tiniest things would make me feel special and make me wanna give my all. That's just the way I am.


Day 18
Dear PostSecret,

I wish my father was still in his right mind, I miss the days when we would hang out all day. Even though he was always high he never miss treated me and I miss that.

Love,
Mia

My father stop using drugs and it seem like his state of mind went with it. My dad was great to me, even though he got high he always told me loved me and always showed me he cared. He wasn't the greatest person, but he was the best to me. Plus he NEVER lied to me. NEVER I appreciate that.

Day 19
Dear PostSecret,

I'm happy I didn't kill myself, I realize life is about more than the pain. It's a lot more joyful now than then.

Love,
Mia

I was such a miserable child, I always wanted to kill myself. I was always alone, and I always felt unloved. I'm happy I didn't I wouldn't have the joys that I have now, which are my kids, and My future husband.

Day 20
Dear PostSecret,

I love him sooooo much, but he is one of THE MOST annoying people I ever met.

Love,
Mia

I love Troy, he is my heart he is my rock, but oh my goodness he urks me!!!! He just does shit that just annoys the fuck out of me and I'm like why would you do that? Like the stuff he considers fun and joking are annoying to me, and I feel bad because sometimes I feel like we don't have anything in common! But he's my love and I wouldn't change him for nothing because that annoying stuff is what made me love him.

Day 21
Dear PostSecret,

I can't remember the last time she told me she loves me.

Love,
Mia

I can not remember the last time my mother told me she loves me. I hear her tell Melanie from time to time or Caleb, but I believe I had to be either 13 or 15 the last time she said it. I've dealt with the fact that her or my brother don't like to say I love you, but it's nice to be reinforced and not just understood. When I noticed this I started to cry, but I figured why? It's been so long why should I waste the tears, I know she loves me, and she know that I love her.

Day 22
Dear PostSecret,

I look at porn and envy at what he likes.

Love,
Mia

Troy likes red-heads, I could never be a red-head. It's not in my blood to be one lol it makes me jealous when we watches porn and talks about how he like tattoo girls with red hair and I'm not that. It makes me sad and makes me feel some kind of way as if I'm not enough for him or as good looking as he wishes.


That's enough for now, and that was a lot. 22 days down and 13 more to go.


<3miachennelle<3