Time to write

I'm happy and sad to be the first person to blog in the new year, I just knew someone would beat me to it, but anyway, I have a lot to say and I need to get it out before I forget about it.

Troy's Birthday is 2mar and I can't believe he'll be 21!! Like I'm excited I threw him a surprise party at Ryan's house and it went well so I was happy and he was too. It was nuffin big just drinks and guys playing beer pong, stuff Troy likes,not like dancing and stuff that I like lol. I only felt bad because I didn't tell one Lisandra about it because Dezeray was there and I wanted Dez there and if I invited Liz Dez wouldn't have came. Like I feel so bad, and I maybe taking on more than it is, but I feel like I'm in the middle, like i wanna hangout with both of them but I can't because they're not friends right now and I just don't know what to do.

Like before I barely saw them because they was always together but if we had an event we they both came and normally together but now we have to choose who to invite to events because Liz will come but Dez won't and it makes me feel awful because of all the things that dez could be putting up a fight for or stand for she choosing this, but then again I'm not sure why dez feels the way she feels like I know why but I can never know to what extent because I'm not her. I'm gonna need for her to a relateable story for me to understand because all the ones she's given me so far just don't add up.

I feel bad because we where all a group. We could all hangout and have girl time, now it's just awkward. I don't know if it's me that's feel this way or if it is! Either way I just want Dez to go her separate way or talk Liz or something like I'm just beginning to feel like I'm cheating on Liz lol

I had to blog about this because it's beginning to bother me and talking to dez it doing nothing but going in circles and I feel like it's not my place to say anything to liz but now it's starting to affect me so I am but I figured if I wrote it down and got it off my chest even if I don' talk to Liz about it later today she'll see this blog and know how I feel at least kinda and leave it at that. But I don't think I'm gonna not talk to her about it I think I'm gonna speak my peace because I just can't take it anymore. Like as a Pisces I take on the energy around me and this is wearing me out.

I'm sorry Dez if this offends you any kinda way because I'm not trying to. Like I'm really confused and idk what to do, so probably after this blog I probably just separate the two, I wish I didn't have two, but I guess I do.


soconfused
<3miachennel<3