heart-broken

So while I have a little downtime at work, I figured I would write about how heart-broken I feel about the possibility that I might now get married this year. Like I want to more than ever to get married, but I just feel like it's not gonna happen. And i'm completely heart broken. I wanna walk down the aisle, but then again I just wanted get married. Like half of me is just like screw it and go to Vegas, but I miss out on Caleb carrying the ring and Melanie throwing flowers. Like I feel like it's too early to give up hope, but I'm the only person that still wants to. I was talking to Troy about it and I feel as though he's completely unaffected about it, he's more upset that we can't buy a house which I knew we wasn't gonna do from jump street. And I guess he knew from jump we wasn't gonna get married this year. I need to start going back to church and get some sanity back in my life and some calming. I just feel so erratic idk what to do. But i do kno I'm heart broken.


brokenhearted