A mother's love

I love my mother, and I know she loves me too, but why must she give me such a hard time? Its almost as if she's waiting for me to do something bad and to hop on the chance to hurt me or make me feel bad. I just don't understand what I do. I went to church the past 2 weeks on my own, she didn't have to force me, she didn't have to drag me. But I don't get up one morning and she tells me get my priorities together, like I don't understand. She was my age once, why must she act like what I do is so wrong. Like am I wrong for going out? Like am I gonna go to hell cuz I didn't go to church and I slept? Like Idk what to say or do. She makes me feel so bad for the things I do. She makes me cry all the time because if I do something that ain't up to her par, she says little smart stuff to me and make me cry. And Melanie saw her make me cry and she said "Nana you made mommy cry" and she said "so I cried a lot growing up, I still cry and I'm 46 years old" like since you cried a lot your suppose to make me cry too? and I suppose to feel like I'm not worth shit? Like I don't understand what I do that's so bad! Like I missed one Sunday, ONE and she goes on telling me I should've been there because he preached about coming to church. I missed a good sermon. I never ever hardly go out. And this why.

I'm just so tired of her always having little smart stuff to say to me. Like she don't love me. Like I'm nto worthy. She never just takes the time to say that she just loves me. When I tell her she tells me that I should know that she loves me. Like what the hell is that? I make sure not one day go by that I don't tell my kids that I love them!!! I don't want them growing up feeling like they gotta find somewhere else cuz theres no love at home. I don't want my daughter to find love with sex because it's the only thing that makes you feel close, intimate, the only thing that makes her feel that someone cares because they actually make you feel good. I want her to know that I will always love her, that I'll always make her feel good, by showing her attention, showing her love and showing that I care. I don't want her to grow up feeling unloved.

My mother always told me, that I was overly emotional. That I made everything a big deal and I cried at the drop of a dime, but so what! You knew that that's I was, so what if I wanted a kiss from you all the time or a hug! So what! So what if someone talked bad about me and I cried! SO what!!!! IT'S WHO I AM, AND I AM NOT GONNA CHANGE ME!

I wish you stop acting so holier than thou. Because you was my age once, and I'm pretty sure that even tho I have two kids, you've done way more things than me, so don't try that do as I say not as I do bullshit, because I am not a bad person, nor was I a bad child!! AND I WILL NO LONGER LET YOU MAKE ME FEEL THIS WAY!!!!