I better find your loving... I better find your heart

I am in love with this song and then the video just makes it sooo much better.

Things have been ok recently I can't really complain I went to Virgina Beach last weekend and it was fabulous! Me and Troy had a great time, but for some reason now he seems... different.... like he seems distant to me. But then again it could just be me... idk.....

I'm within my last mod at school!!! YAY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! It doesn't seem like its been that long. But I'm excited now I just have to get the money so I can take the CMA in October.... however if I can't do it I'll defiantly take the RMA in like August and take the CMA next year... If I don't have I don't have it.

I'm just a little happy like I'm in a fuck you I'm worrying about me mode like I not gonna stress about stuff I don't have any control over so... yea...

#ontothnextone

~Mia~

I Wish I Could Give You This Feeling

So this semester has been one of the hardest for me. First, I couldn't pay tuition and then I was in a new relationship and of course, the damned snow. For anyone who isn't from Baltimore, it snowed so bad that schools were closed for a week! Do you know what happens in a week in college?! Everything! You go through like 4 chapters and then some! And of course, college professors do not change their syllabus around for anybody so they just kept on going and crunched everything into the week when we came back! And then to make things worse, they decide to have assignments due during the snow which sucked ass since we couldn't really ask questions since there was little feedback. Anyway to get to the point, by the grace of God I got 2 C, a B, and a B+!!! I am so happy! I was expecting 3 Fs and a B+ lol I mean my GPA dropped to a 2.6 but thats fine because I know I can pick it back up next semester! and that bitch who told me that she thought I couldn't make it, FUCK YOU! Yea I said it!!
^^1^^
Oh and I saw Greg at Quentin's prom and he looked good, as always lol. But I was able to maintain my composure and I didn't even get all weak around him. Like I can honestly say I am OVER his bullshit and foolishness. Yes, I will always love my lil Billy and I will always care for him but he will no longer dictate my life! I will no longer break up with people in hopes of getting him back because honestly if he really wanted to be with me like he said he did, he would have tired hard as hell! Like I understand he got a job and went to school but those are things he should have been doing anyway, right? Yea they are!!! I just feel so liberated now! like if me and him NEVER speak again, I will be ok with that and this time I really mean it lol sheettttt a very good friend of mine once told me that good dick ain't worth all this drama! THANK YOU MIA!! I should have listened then!

ThankGodAndMiaiaia

Sandra Out

No Disrespect....

But how FUCKING DARE YOU!!! Do you know how insulting it is that you walk around with you face all broke down and beat up cuz you have to RIDE in my car and not DRIVE my car!!!!!! You make it seem like I am the worst driver ever, that my car is small.... like tf!!! It hurts my feeling so much. No disrespect, but if you hated my car so much you shouldn't crashed your car if you knew you hated mines, No disrespect.

I'm so sick of my mother I love her to death but she pisses me off and boils the hell out of my blood!!!! UGH!! She's always bitching and complaining about the dumbest of fucking things!! She told me the table wasn't clean because I didn't put the center piece in the center!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?! Like I understand you all menopausal... but seriously... No disrespect, you need to go and do something about that shit... no disrespect.

I'm just so irratated and so annoyed, my leg hurts I'm so stress all I wanna do is scream!!!!! idk what to do or what to say all I know is that I'm really emotional, irratated and pissed and I don't know why.

Working Hard

So I'm at work and I'm bored. There is nothing to do and Kharan just told me he was a diamond princess. Anyway, lol, everyone and their mother has been asking me to get them a job here! Why do people think that because I work here, I can get you a job? I'm not a hiring manager and furthermore what if you mess up?? If your already an unreliable friend, I'm going to assume that you are an unreliable employee! I'm not gonna get you a job for you to not show up! Plus I people don't understand that to work here, you need to be a PEOPLE PERSON! If you are always cussing and fussing and saying you hate people, this is NOT the job for you! The dumbest people come here and they always have the dumbest questions! ie someone order tickets online and after I printed them asked me what were they for? Like why would you put in your credit card information and you don't know what your paying for?! Anyway, I'm just tired of people asking me for applications. The only way to apply is online. No, there ain't no way I can tell if you applied. Yes, this is to keep it fair. I doubt you will get hired. Why? Because all the young people that we have hired have been trash. Sorry that your generation has messed it up for the rest of you!

***Digression*** So this customer just came up and had no id so she had to use her husbands and he was like where's your id? and she was like I left it and he was like so your being stupid and walking around with no id?? lmao! it was too funny

Anyway, today's mother days! Happy Mother's Day to my mommy and Mia ia ia and Brina and Mia's Mommy and Troy's mommy and all the mommies! lol....I think I need to reflect. My mom is a great mom (as you know from my pervious blogs). She's always been there for me and I don't know where I would be without her (wait I do know. I would be in Cuba and not in this blog). She's just so caring and sweet and amazing! And it's the little things that she does that makes her so good to me! Like I have 2 tires that need fixing and she gave me the money for it even though she knows I just got paid. And I know she's watching my clothes right now and cooking dinner and probably cleaning up the house! Plus her car is all broke and she needs a new one but she's still driving her jeep to make payments on my car and my macbook! :D she's just amazing and I <3 her! I wish I could do more for her but she never wants anything and she's always like I'm fine. Like the other day I made her some mozzarella sticks and chicken nuggets and some pink lemonade and she was beaming like I made her a 5 star meal.I was like awww!!!! I just love my mommy!

HappyMommieDay
Sandra Out

Am I Ready?

Ok Lisandra's blog insired to write one of my own. i kno its been a long time but i didnt really feel like i had anything to talk about. but its funny lisandra wrote that blog about self analyzation and its something that i have been doing alot lately too. like for me its different i completely love my chosen field cooking is a passion of mine and i love that im pursuing it but at the same time i always wonder if im actually good enough to make it. like i look at the huge number of people that graduate in the field and manage to do nothing with it. there are so many people out there i wonder wats gonna set me apart from the next person. every time i cook for someone they always go out of their way to tell me how good it is and all i can ever see are the flaws in it. and they drive me crazy because i kno that while my friends and family may think its awesome my potential head chef probably wouldnt and thats when the self-doubt sets in. An then when i add on the fact that in december im gonna be done; no more school, no more crutch. im gonna be thrown into the real world without any idea if im ready to succeed in my field. i kno ive learned alot but i still kno how much more there is for me to learn and it kinda scares me. especially since if i cant make it as a chef i have nothing to fall back on i'll be up the proverbial creek with out a paddle. but i guess at the end of the day all i can really do is hope and pray that when the time comes the clouds will clear and i'll have some form of clarity and direction and that i can pove to myself that i am ready and that i can do it


Jay Out

Fork In The Road

So lately I've been so confused about what I'm doing with my life, were I'm going to be in a year, who am I? I know everyone has this point in there life were they try to define themselves but I always had a definition. I am Lisandra. I am smart, sexy and sassy. I am outspoken and a leader. I am friendly and approachable. I cuss alot. I don't care what you think. I still am these things but I no longer know what I want to do. I had my heart set on being a psychologist and making $$$. Then it slowly became I wanna be a social worker. Now I want to be a business woman. Also, I used to love psychology! Like it was my life and my soul. But after this semester, I hate it. Notre Dame is preparing me for research and I don't want to do that. I don't want to play with rats all day. I don't want to run correlation students and factor analysis! I don't want to write papers and have them published. I don't want any of it! I want to crunch numbers and boss people around. I want to have people depend on me! I want to manage something and know that my hard work made this team work. I want to study business.

I feel like I'm wasting money at Notre Dame working towards a degree that I'm not going to use. I rather just be a spanish major and graduate with honors in spanish. I'm just so confused right now. I need to get that out there. I'm not happy with school anymore. I'm happy when I'm at home with my baby or with my friends or at work. I used to be excited to come to class but now I dread it. I hate it so much it makes my tummy hurt everytime I have a class. I can't wait for next week to be over and for my summer to start. Maybe I'll transfer. Maybe I'll withdraw totally. Who knows? All I know is the definition of Lisandra needs to be change. I wish webster could define me.

GoogledDefineLisandra:NoResults
Sandra Out

Real Side

So lately, I've been realizing that the people are phoney. And not just people, but people that at one point I cared about. I feel like I am too old for the games and therefore I am at the point where I dont care. For example, Brittnie told me she still loved me like a week ago and the other night she was like she wish she never said and I'm just some play thing. In the past, this would have made me mad and sad but at that point I just didn't care. I told her fine and don't talk to me. The funny thing is, I actually meant it. Like if we never spoke again, my life would go on. Example 2, Greg. He claimed he doesn't talk to me because he doesn't have a phone but my boyfriend saw him on the phone in school. Once again, in the past this would have hurt me that he lied but I don't care. I'm not even going to confront him because he was a lair in the past and he will probably continue to lie to me until the day he dies. And once again I accept that. I am realizing that I am maturing and they are not. I need someone on my level who doesn't play games and do dumb stuff. Futhermore, I also need something who can say what is on their mind and if they want me to fuck off, say so.

YouAintSayingNothing
Sandra Out

Soulmates

I'm starting to now question if that's even real. I used to think that me and Troy where perfect for each other, but it seem that as time goes on we realize that we have NOTHING in common. We don't have the same taste in sex, we don't have the same hobbies, like I'm beginning to wonder what do we have in common. We don't talk anymore, we just sit around. Like I'm beginning to think that we need some time apart... like I don't know if that will fix it or not, but I feel like I don't know him anymore.

Are soulmates real? I'm beginning to question that. I thought your soulmate was your everything, they completed you and left you feeling whole, now I don't feel whole anymore I feel like something is missing, but idk what it is... but I'm not even complete anymore... *sigh* whats a girl to do?



~miachennelle~