I need to blog cuz it's been way too long.

OK so i have been doing well over the time and i am very happy right now. I came to blog about sex but that's not really the most important part of my life and i want to help you all to catch up on whats going one in my life. So let us begin. As you may or may not know i am about to have a baby. YAY! But i am a little nervous not about being a daddy, because i know i will be a good parent, but more about being finically set for a baby. I want to get a place to live because i believe that a good family needs to be set in a good home. Somewhere that you can build family morals and a good family base i guess. this is my biggest fear and i want to do this right the first time because you never get a second chance. So that's that with my baby but i cant wait til it's here and i cant wait to find out what we are having.

Next is my relationship with the love of my life, it's wonderful, now of course we have our moments but who don't right. We talk alot and we were having some problems and misunderstandings but then we talked about it and we worked it out. We have been going to this program that teaches couples how to talk to each other and hopefully stick together to raise there children in a strong home and teach them right from wrong, because the key to a successfully raising a child is to base it around a strong home. And those are words from my mouth and beliefs. At first i was kinda sceptical about this but now i love it and look forward to it each week. And this has helped so much and we are so in tune with our relationship, although there is one place that can be improved.

Next is my life and whats going on with me. So at first i was really depressed cuz i was in debut but then i go part of my refund and now I'm better and out of debut. Next I'm happy because I'm home and going to Morgan, so that's good and that's about it. OH i got a promotion at my job now I'm a head cashier lol. It's not much but hey I'm working my way up the ladder you have to start out somewhere right. So now that's pretty much it.

Now last but definitely not least. I AM SO HORNY. So we don't really do it that much any more, and i understand that its cuz she's pregnant and tired but dam i am dying here. I just be laying next to her want her so bad. And what makes it worse is that i find her more attractive because i thing that pregnant women are the hottest women cuz that are giving life to another human that is just so hot. Now i not one of those ppl that go buy pregnant porn cuz that's just weird but i do admire pregnant women and i think that they are very attractive. So i say all this to say OMG i want to blow cuz I'm so horny and want it so bad. I want to do like some really good porn quality stuff I'm so horny right now. We were going to do a sex day but with school and work she just be too tired at night and want to do it in the morning but we be having to do things. OK so ima tell y'all all the things i want to do to her cuz i now she going to read it and maybe y'all would like the smut style imagery. It's not alot though well not alot of words anyway. Well i want to do everything to her like she already know i love to eat her out so that's a given. Then i want her to return the favor cuz boy do she do it good. The i just want to do her like so good like i have been doing lately and make her body tense and vibrate over and over again. Then after she has came like 4-5 times i want to pull out and put it in her butt. Now wait wait wait i know y'all probably like WHAT THE FUCK or ewwwww sodomy ewwwwww but before you judge me you have to experience it. It's so good to both parties and omg itjust feel oh so good. and then i jst want to finish off and just cum i dont care where or how she can choose.

and thats that with me i dont thing anyone will read this though cuz it may be a bit too long. But until next time i say adieu.

FML #2

Okay so ive come to the conclusion that there is no point in wanted anyone in life because you never actually ge tthe one you want.

alright that probably sounds really pesimistic but in my life i have really liked alot of girls and can honestly say that of the girls that i have actually really liked from the start i have dated mayb one of them. But i always seem to attract the girls that i had no interest in. Like this goes even for today like the one girl that i really like probably has no clue that i like them and on top of that even if they do know i couldnt be with them now anyway. yet I have two girls i could care less about on my heels like its fucking frustrating. and the thing that makes it even worse is that i have a fucking conscience, like two of my friends here in Hawaii Ken and Mike they dont have a conscience (well not completely) so like if they kno they can fuck a girl their all over it but me i would feel wrong to fucking lead someone on like that and to potentially hurt someone like thats not cool to do. So now im stuck in a position where two girls i found cool like me and i need to figure out how i can be friends with them without leading them on and have them thinking that i like them to.

I SERIOUSLY WONDER IF LIFE WOULD BE EASIER IF I JUST DIDNT GIVE A FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Prom Queen

So these next couple of days are going to be hell on earth for me cause of course mother nature came to visit me. Sometimes I wish that I could just get my uterus removed and therefore stop it all but I want to have a lil bundle of cells that resembles me and looks up at me and cries for my to hold it so I endure this horrible effing week in hopes that someday I will experience mother hood and then get my uterus removed.

While many may look at this as an extreme approach to a naturally event, you need to experience what I go through. Like I had my first period in the 3rd grade and it fucking sucked!! Do you know what its like to be like 8 and have a period?! No you don't!! But let me tell you. It was weird to be in gym class cramping up and bent over and the school nurse look at me like I was stupid. I didn't know what was going on and apparently she didn't either. Then in 6th grade, I was on birth control. So when I filled out my medical cards and wrote in that I was on birth control, the dirty lil teachers at roland park look at me funny and NO BITCH!! I WAS NOT A FAST LIL GIRL!! I HAVE A MEDICAL CONDITION!! Then we find out that it was stunting my growth so I had to stop taking it and guess what?? I didn't grow but I did however continue to break out horrible and have awful pains that would sent me home from school in the middle of the day and I wouldn't return for a week! I NEVER HAD PERFECT ATTENDANCE!! 

Now I'm going to start a new birth control as soon as I can because this is crazy! All because I want to experience motherhood! I want to know why God choose me?? like every time my period starts, I feel like crying for no reason and then get mad over nothing! I get mad cause a light turned red and feel bad for being mad and then feel like crying cause I feel so bad and then feel happy again cause it turned green! Ain't that some crazy shit?! So I'm putting it out there and telling you now, and I am sorry. I may yell at you for being a good friend and then expect to cry on your shoulder. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings I really don't mean it and I do love you!

All for Now

Sanda Out

P.S. I the title is that lil wayne song and I love it now

turned my swag on and the whole baltimore felt it! and its only on about 2%!

So my friends have been pestering me about the blog. I know I created it and its not a good look for me not to blog often. So i give myself two thumbs down for not having blogged in idk how long. NOW let me address some issues that need addressing:

1. First of all, people have GOT to be more understanding! about other peoples lifestyles, personalities, etc. Like Justins fam, I know they mean well, but guess what? So does he!

2. Second of all, guys in the club. I do get a little weirded out when you "find me". Like If you dont have the guts or whatever to talk to me face to face at the club, you already eliminated yourself so dont bother hitting me up on facebook cause i dont know you. Sorry but to all you non confident losers, I have a boyfriend. Grow some balls because the next dude had them and he is going to hear a totally different name, a totally different story, and that I'm unattached.

3. Lisandra is my twin and I would do prety much anything for her. hearts hearts

4. M&T is an awesome bank.

Now anyway, heres what I have been up to lately:

1. I got a car. (Two thumbs up!)
So now Dezzy-chan has gone mobile. And yes I have GPS, so my total inability to sense direction is irrelevant. My altima is my baby and I'm looking for a name to give it.

2. I turned 18. (Another thumb up!)
Therefore I can officially turn my swag on at any club thats not 21+.

3. Im getting contacts.
Sexy, sexy. I like my glasses a lot, but I'm over the whole tilting my head thing so they dont glare in pictures. Also I like my look without glasses.

4. Im trying to get a place with Justin and at least two other roommates. I do what I want at college, and I need to continue to be able to do what I want.

5. I am going to start my first job soon. Im filling out applicaitons! This is two thumbs up again!

Also I have a rhetorical question. What do you guys think of talking to people who you meet in unconventional ways? Like I just went through a whole rant of creeps that try to talk to you in a dodgy way but out of the guys I currently talk to, my favorite is one that I met because he was friends with one of my friends that goes to an out of state college and we were having a debate on my friends page. It just kind of happened, and it doesnt feel weird AT ALL. Like is it weird that I am having more fun with him than the guys I have right here in front of my face? Maybe it just means I need to travel more because baltimore is getting stale. You know its a big deal when I talk to someone like on the phone, cause I never do that. So is this bad? I keep thinking about how unconventional the whole thing was and I wish we had met normally in like, a mall or something. i know you find great things in enexpected places but this is just wow really random

Because of Other People

So lately, a lot of shit has been happening to people around me and to me that has been making me mad,so I need to rant about it

First, to Justin's family, fuck that shit!!! If I'm in fucking hawaii you bitches need to call me and worry about how I'm dong!! Don't bitch because I ain't call somebody who makes a despost in my account!! If that was the case, then I need to call the Aquarium every two weeks and say thank you!! FUCK NO!! they shoudl be giving you the money cause they are proud of what your doing and they want ot help out! so what if you ain't call?! they knew you would have said happy birthday!! ugh!! tell you fam chill before you stop calling all together!!!

Second, shady-ass Bank of America!! They are the biggest money hungry shitty as bank in the world and I will always tell people to use M&T!!! Bank of America will charge you for everything and then soem therefore I hate them. Like, they want to have totally free checking but then they want to charge you for keep the change and over draft peotection and all kinds of shit!! and then they don't process your money by when you spend it. Instead they do you biggest buy first and then charge you multiple over drafts for everything else!! ugh!!!

Third, for those who don't know, me and Brittnie are engaged (yay me :D). However, we are still going through the same shit we went through before. Why the fuck would you ask me if its ok for you to cheat?! excuse me?! and then she asked about Dezeray!!! NUMBER ONE, thats my sister!! NUMBER TWO, thats my twin sister!!! NO YOU CAN NOT talk to Dezeray!! and then don't say you were joking cause I don't fucking care! I don't fuck with you like that!! Secondly, don't ask me to sleep with a boy for you cause I won't! If I couldn't sleeop with a boy for myself, why would I do it for you? Bitch, if you fucking loved me the way you say you do, do not ask me to change the already positive shit about me! UGH!!!! and its not even that but she does other shit. Like she bitches about me spending all her money. Out of her last check for $998, I spent maybe $27 and that was on food that she paid for when I had money. Sorry for eatting bitch! But my thing is don't complain about it!! She's the one always talking bout she wanna take care of em adn do this and do that so DO IT!! for example, she stay talking bout she gonna get me these shoes...I still don't have them. She always talking bout putting gas in my car...I PUT GAS IN MY CAR!!! bottom line, don't complain about me spending my money when you bitch abotu spending yours!!

Fouth, and final point cause I'ma be late for class, if I danced with you in a club, we are not friends!! Don't talk to me outside of the club cause I will not remember who you are! Also, do NOT make plans to dance with me again cause my answer is no. If we do dance,its because I had three drinks and I turned my sawgg on!! NOT BECAUSE YOUR CUTE, OR YOUR DICK IS BIG, OR YOUR WITH THE DJ OR YOU GOT MONEY!!! In case you haven't read my facebook page (which is the least you could do before talking to me) I'M GAY!! I'm sorry if that burst your bubble but oh well! Furthermore, to a certain asshole, you and Dezeray are NOT close! Do not use my twin to get to me cause that will only backfire!!

All For now
Sanda Out

Fuck My Life

Okay am about to vent alot because i have alot of shit that i have to just get out because i cant hold it in anymore:


Rant #1

I talked to my mother and my grandmother the other day and i was all in a good mood calling them to check on them cause i hadnt talked to them in a couple days and when i talk to them all i get is layed out for being rude and ungrateful for not calling my aunt on her birthday and for not calling her or her daughter since ive been back at school since they are putting money in my bank account every 2 weeks. Okay this is money that i neither asked for or really need while it is a help i could do with out it. but to get back to the birthday thing none of them called me on my birthday but im suppose to bend over fucking backwards to call her on her birthday because she sends me money. Like i dont think that my fam understands that not only am i taking a full load of courses, but i do workstudy where i am essentially in charge of all the other workstudy people so i have to oversee 4 other people, but i also have to pay bills and i attempt to have some kind of a life seeing as though i am only 19 y/o and should still be able to have fun. But they dont get that on top of the fact that i am a hour time difference away from them so i wakr up in the morning and go to class and then go to workstudy after and dont get finished until 5 o fucking clocking and then i go home and eat and try and relax alittle and by the time i am at a place where i feel like talking on the fone maybe its fucking 6 o clock which is midnight at home and i am not calling anyone that late becuz its fucking rude. but they dont get that, so i have be able to handle myslef in hawaii and be on top of my bills, my work, my school and my life and still have to cater the fucking whims of people back in baltimore that bitc if i dont call them yet they cant pick up the fucking fone and call me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

more to come later

Yet again I'm posting 3 blogs straight but wut ev...

So I need to vent this blog is for keeping up with our lives even tho we range from 10 miles to 100000+ miles away from each other but rest of the ppl have forgot about the blog...

So... I'm just having a hard rough time and its slowly starting to eat my brain and give me a headache

so me and troy need to like urgently get out own place!! sooner we get our own place sooner we get on our own and get married and have a good home for the children. This in between homes business is not whats up like we need to get on out own feet sooo bad like I feel like we could do it like maybe we can get a 2 bed for 600.... 300 hundred a piece, we can get on a family plan some how and save money on these cell phones, we can get some kind of triple play for comcast or verizon and still have cable and what not, and as for gas and electric we can get energy assistance and not have to pay as much I believe me and troy can both manage our money and get out of our parents house and live happily. like I am seriously, like now imma just start looking but once i start working imma actually start calling places cuz i have had enough and this just looking online business ain't cutting shit so now imma look now bookmark some places but as of right now I cant take it like no mas!!!!!!! I cant take it like normally when I push stuff in the back on my head it can stay there but now this cant stay back there it has to come out it has to be heard and something has to be done about it. I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!! I promise my son or daughter we will have our own place before he or she gets here!!! I promise you that I have never lied to ur sister and I wont lie to you!