(sigh) On my way....

Ok so here I am at home totally packed to go with troy and not prepared to leave him there. (sigh) So as i sit dreading this long two hour drive (nothing in comparsion to Justin) I wonder what's next. I wonder wut will it be like on Thursday when I come back home and can't call him and ask when he's coming over?

(sigh) idk

I'm kinda jealous in a sense... you all my friends are in college, staying on campus, know asap when the party's are or when they start, me... I'm mineaswell say I'm in graduate high school. Like its just like city all over again.... wake up at 7, catch the bus go to school, come home do home work... same crap... but everyone else, get to have variety in there classes, wake up go to class, go to the dorm, not have a nagging mother telling to u come clean up your daughters mess... (sigh)

I often try to find someone that could possibly relate to me, but no one i know can... here's what ppl say...

Miguel-"well you shouldn't had a child, don't go crying about shit you can't change oh well"
Troy- "well maybe your mother can, blah blah blah,"
Mother-"make sure you come home and do this wit your daughter or that with her," or "did you take your medicine, you don't need no more children" or "well if you wanna do that take her with you cuz I'm tired"
brother- "cricket cricket"

Miguel is like uber jealous of me i can tell because I'm doing something with my life and he ain't done shit with his.
Troy idk he helps but he can't relate cuz he don't have kids he can leave when ever the hell he wants to, me, I gotta ask, and beg, cry, and shout.
my brother, he says nothing, could careless.

MY MOTHER........ her....
I just don't get her, like I honestly don't like never before even when I first had Melanie did she ever pester me like she does now. Like I when I 17, 16 can do wut ever, now I'm 18 and gotta come home as soon as I get off... me and Troy go out one day, go take care of business the next (something like idk going to wal mart) and when I get home she's bitching about me never spending time with my daughter, I'm like

OMG ITS ONLY BEEN TWO DAYS I'M PRETTY SURE SHE'S NOT GONNA GROW UP AND BE A JUNKIE CUZ I STAYED OUT LATE TWO DAYS!!!!!!!!!

LIKE WHAT THE FUCK LADY, GEESH!!!!!

I just don't know any more, like I'm burnt out, I don't know what to do, cuz everyone is leaving, I can't do anything because my mothers being a bitch out the blue as soon as I turn 18, (mind you she didn't give a fuck previous years) I feel so damn dumb cuz I let some stupid nigga ruin my life (not Melanie I would never take her back I just wished I would've waited)

now here I sit, not know what is happening before me, or what happens next, all i kno is that I'm in for the ride of my life over the next few months..... (sigh) I think I need help.