Tired of Being Nice

So i have always made a conscious effort to try and help out the people i care about in life however i could. whether it be actually helping them with something listening to a problem or just trying to make them smile when they are in a bad mood. but im starting see that no matter what i try to do it comes off wrong and i end up looking and/or feeling like the bad person. no matter how true my intentions may be i always end up being perceived as for lack of a better word an ass. and im really starting to get tired of it. like it is in my nature to help if i can and i dont do it to get recognition but at the same time i dont see a point in doing it if i still gonna end u looking like an ass in the end

so it got me to wondering if everyone sees me as an ass thats only does shit to further myself why the hell should i give 2 shits about helping anyone anymore. maybe i should just become this person that everyone else sees me as and then there wouldnt be an issue anymore.

Time To Blog

so i've come to the realization that i need to start blogging again because i cant keep holding shit in its not good for me. my whole life i have always held on and dealt with my own issues but now im tired of it so i begin

FUCK YOU TOO!

first OF ALL I'M LAZY? I take care of this house while you are at work and so the fuck what you work 7 day the shit you do is not hard. stand in the window and push buttons or talk to ppl and and take their blood pressure using a machine wow big shit. And while I'm home i take care of you kids cooking and cleaning and doing all the shit you don't do. having money is not everything when your child don't even really know you and how you so fucking wrapped up in that girl to even talk to your daughter or son that is missing you all the time. Instead of working two jobs all week how about find a nursing job that will pay you and have you working more then 2 days a week. having money don't replace being a mother. And i can find someone else to suck my dick i mean it ain't like you have the only mouth in the world or you have the best because I'm sure its someone out there with a better one and they probably enjoy it too. so don't get it twisted. really I'm start to regret moving in here because all the shit you said you wouldn't do is happening and i don't need this bullshit. and me being lazy you sent your son in the room with wipes for me to change a pissy diaper when there were pampers and wipes right next to you. while you were talking on the phone was your convo more important really. wtf? I'm done wit the bullshit i shouldn't have put my name on this lease. you always learn from you mistake its only one year of this shit.

untitled

I am in a relationship with a lazy person. I'm probably not making it any better, but i don't have the energy to fight it. It takes ENTIRELY TOO MUCH TO FIGHT IT. I work 2 jobs and come home to do shit... I'M TIRED!!

So what I choose to work. tf is the point???? I work to stay a float and you bitching cuz I don't spend anytime with isn't gonna make me stop working when we will be fucked if I stop working one of my jobs. It annoys me that everything I do is a fucking problem. I talk to that girl it's a problem. I work and it's a problem!! like I'm pissed now cuz I asked you to change a pamper and you said no. Like why? the fuck did you do all day???? why r u making this hard for me!! I just don't understand and I'm on the verge of tears... I'm fucking stressed... and your not helping me any!!! What can you possibly say that you are doing that helping me? Besides asking me to suck your dick because you feel neglected!!! I feel like I am about to explode from just holding shit and holding shit in like I feel like im on the verge of a breakdown because I can't say anything to you because you'll make me look like an ass!!! I'm just tired!! I wanna escape I wanna have a day when I can do me and do what I wanna do but instead I can't I have to keep on going and keep piling shit on. I feel so many ways right now and I don't know what to do. I think I'm gonna give it a rest and just go smoke or something to ease my mind.

Tumblr

Soooo I have a tumblr. It's 1amazinlyfe.tumblr.com. I haven't forgot about peguin salad and I still will blog, but my tumblr is a more personal thing... check it out.

maichennel

ps follow me on twitter. @miachennel if u haven't noticed lol

H.E.R

H.E.R

I never knew how fun it'd be,

until I met her.

Yea, there were hers before HER,

but they were nothing like HER.

She made me feel ways I never felt before.

She's done stuff to me that a guy couldn't.

I think I love her.

I love how soft she is.

I love her curves.

I love how she accepts me,

for me.

I want her.

I need her...

But I can't.

For she belongs to another,

and I belong to him.

So until our paths crosses again,

I 'll love HER from a distance.

miachennel

Hall Pass

I'm in the mood to write so I figured I'd blog. So for me and Troy's anniversary I figured I'd give him a hall pass. We're getting married in almost one year and before we make this us and us for ever I wanna make sure he's at least experienced someone else and see if this is really what he wants. Dezeray said I was very selfless but I see it as not creating further problems in the future.

I like my new place. It's peaceful. I actually feel like I'm the noisy person in here.

There's been a lot on my mind lately and I don't write about it just yet cuz i'm still trying to deal with it myself. But once I do, I promise to write about it.

miachennel