Dezeray

Now I love my twin sister and I always will but sometimes I wonder if she thinks that the world revolves around her. Like I want to be there for her but at times, I feel like she takes me for granted. Like tonight. I wanted to go to the movies with Mia, Troy, Jasmine and Justin and just hang out with my friends, so I told my homie Day that I couldn't party with her. Even though I knew that it was hurting her feelings because she feels that I always choose Dezeray, I wanted to be with my other friends too. So then I get a text from Dezeray telling me that she still wanted me to come to Hopkins and spend time with her so I came anyway. So I'm here and she leaves. at first, I was having fun with Amanda and Kelli but then they started playing volleyball and I was bored. I asked Dezeray what she was doing and she told me she would be right back. So I stayed and waited. and waited. and waited. So I get on facebook and through the course of the night find out she was at walmart with  Mia and Troy and Kerri while I was here waiting for her to be "right back". Now, it is 11:15 pm and I have done nothing. Instead of going out and having fun with Day, I spent my night waiting for Dezeray. And where is she now?? I don't even know. I just feel like she is running around with her JHU friends and is forgetting about me. Like I know that they are my friends too but this is their schools. Its not like I can just walk around and whatever because I don't go here. I just feel really neglected right now and since she's not here to listen, I'm blogging it.

Like I really want to cry because I am so bored and there is nothing to do at all. I also feel really bad because I wasted my night on this and its making me mad! Like WTF?! and inside I feel like ugh!! UGH!!!! UGH!!!! Like I think I just wanna go home and I don't think she will notice :'(

and like Kerri just came in here to check on me but not Dezeray...Ain't that something?? smh

***SCREAM***

I am soooo tired of being stuck in this fucking house doing the same fucking routine. I am so tired of not having GSE I feel backed up!!! I even tried pleasuring myself and I did however get instant satisfaction I still longed for the fulfilling feeling of having a penis inside of me. Like I feel so alone because i cant find not one person to talk to or hang with or ne thing. I feel like all i wanna do is scream.

So Mother's day is coming up and I don't feel any better about that coming up because it is a sucky ass holiday and I haven't had a good one thus far. At work I am the only mother working that day, another is but she already said she's gonna call out. So it'll be just me and a bunch of other ppl that aren't mothers and I kno that its not like I am gonna get ne gift out of the whole thing cuz no one has money and I kno that my daughter father is not thinking about giving me shit. And if he doesn't get me ne thing best believe he will not get a damn thing from me for fathers day but a fucking phone call.

I am so hungry. My craving are starting to set in and I seem to not be able to get anything that I want to eat and it isn't ne thing in here to eat that I want. Then when I see something I want I cant eat it cuz our microwave is broke, we don't have ne bread and out grease is starting to run on "E" so I cant fry anything!!! Again I just wanna scream.

Troy's having his issues and i cant seem to help. seems like everything I do doesn't help i'm just completely done with the whole thing :p

Idek ne thing ne more I just wanna go out have fun and forget everything but I cant because I continue to be stuck in the got damn house doing the same got damn thing!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love you!

This is Dez posting as Lisandra, to Lisandra.

You're my twin! I wish we were really born twin sisters. Where have you been my whole life? You put up with all my shit too lol. Only a few people do that. 

And you remember how we became twins!

And we always have the wierdest coincidences!

And I love you and always want you to be happy ALL the time! No matter what, I just want you to be happy!

So to commemorate the May 2nd 2009 TWO YEAR TWINSHIP ANNIVERSARY/TWIN BIRTHDAY, i took advantage of how you left your account up on my computer in a GOOD way.

hugs and kisses,

Dez

Sandra Out

And Then The Music Stops and We're Still Here

So I'm in dezeray's room while she naps before we party and I have time so I thought it would be better to spend it on here than to search the internet mindlessly lol

ever wonder why we are here?? like did God just put me here to make people laugh or do I really have a purpose? for example, Mia's pastor brought her and her family closer to God or least gave them support when they were going through something and I'm sure that he will be greatly missed. However, what if I don't do the same with my life? What if I don't become anything great with my life and instead just raise my kids and make money?? I mean my kids and parents and friends will remember me!!

Sandra Out!!