I Never Knew Caring About Someone Could Hurt This Much

Last night (and part of this morning) was really emotional for me. I wasn't expecting my night to turn out like that but it just smacked me in the face and I had no idea where it came from. Okay so, for one, I get to Marathon super early and no one but non-drams are there so I'm chilling at the bar, ordering shots to kill some time. So then Mike (love of my life) and Sommore walk in so I'm like "Okay, Okay it's getting there". To cut some of the unimportant stuff out, I dance I talk blase blase. I was having an okay night.......until Troy gets there. Apparently "we needed to talk". I already knew what he wanted to talk about. I mean I'm not stupid. We can tell his feelings for me a hundred miles away. Anyway, some of the detail I don't remember. I remember us arguing and brushing it off. Us dancing then arguing. Then after that he just keeps ignoring and walking away from me and I'm liek WTF IS GOING ON! I didn't do anything to this boy and here he is brushing me off! So I'm like "It's okay, he's just being an ass." I figured after about 5 minutes we'd be the same again. WRONG!

I go upstairs and I try to talk to him and he dismisses me. I think that's when I got really upset, because then he walked away. I don't remember exactly what I did but I know that before I knew it, I'm upstairs crying and shit. Michael Burnett (Sketchball) is talking to me asking me what's wrong and I'm like "Troy, he's brushing me off and I don't want him to be mad at me because I don't have the same feelings for him as he does for me." Blah blah blah. Michael B is like "He's intimidated by a sexy girl like you. Do you want me to tell him that you don't have the same feelings for him, cuz I will" (Michael being Michael). So then, Mike (my lover , lol) comes upstairs and sees me and I'm like shit....WHYYYYY! He's all "What's wrong?" I tell him it's Troy and what not. ......AND THAT WAS THE MOMENT THAT I REALIZE THAT MIKE HAD BEEN WONDERING BEFORE TONIGHT IF I HAD FEELINGS FOR TROY because he asks me "Do you have feelings for Troy!"

1) He like yells it at me and 2)I didn't tell him the whole situation so he obviously assumed it was about Troy's feelings for me. So he's like, "Stop crying because you're making me upset" and he kept repeating that and hugging me and I would just like to point out that that was the highlight of my night (that and Semaj pulling me on the platform to dance to single ladies with him). Anway, I go downstairs to tell Nneka the situation and I'm like balling my eyes out all because I don't like when people are upset with me. I care to much about what people think and I knew at that moment that I was going to have to tell Troy the truth: That I didn't like him and that I was going to have to deal with it. So then, as I'm talking to Nneka Troy sees me and comes over and we have this long as talk about what's going on. He expresses his feelings for me and I tell him that the feelings aren't mutual and it gets real emotional. (But that's unimportant)

Anyway, we dance afterwards and THEN, NNEKA LEAVES ME so I have no way to get home. Troy offers to let me stay with him and I'm like in my head "NOOOOO but Jasmine you have no other choice" So we go back to his room. I end up using the guys bathroom with him (sketchy...only because the girls bathroom was so far and I was too drunk for that). So I end up sleeping in his bed with him (awkwarddddd) and he's like "Are you sure you don't want to do anything" and I'm like "NO ASSHOLE. Didn't I just tell yo uthat I don't like you lol" But yeah we fall asleep and all I could think about was if this was Mike, we would've been had sex by now.

Then it hit me. I'm sitting here laying in this bed with Troy and all I can think about is Mike. He's all I thought about allllllllllll night, allllllll morning (when I left Troy in his bed sleeping and went home lol) and alllllllll right now. I really hope he didn't misunderstand me talking to Troy as me liking Troy cuz that's ALLLL WRONG! I'm just scared there's a chance he might like me but that chance was ruined last night because he thinks I like Troy. I told him I didn't but I don't know. UGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! This is why I hate dealing with people cuz someone always gets hurt. This time is was Troy but I mean, I'm a little upset because I still can't have the guy I want

(Maybe I should've told Michael how I felt.......)