Fuck this shit

So a LOT has changed since my last blog post. I'm a mom now. Having Kam is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me especially since I never thought I'd get this chance after the cancer. This is one of the hardest times of my life but it's also worth it every time she's crying and just a hug from me soothes her. It's true that the bond between a mother and her child is amazing. 

With that being said, that's not why I'm blogging today. I use this blog as a way to shift through my thoughts (with the whole world and my closest friends, of course lol). 2015 was a trying year for me emotionally. I finally ended things with Iggy and was carrying on just a sexual relationship before settling down with my child's father or so I thought. We were "official" in February and I was pregnant by the end of March and he told me everything would be ok and basically promised me the world and I was stupid enough to believe him. However, 12 weeks in I broke up wth him because he was being inconsistent and I just knew something was wrong. Throughout my whole pregnancy, the feeling never went away and even tho I tried to keep my distance, I yearned to have his love and affection and would constantly let him back in my life and subsequently back in my bed. Well, right before New Years after our daughter was born he lets me know that he was still with his first baby mother when I conceived. My heart was broken. Not because I was a side chick but because he lied. I hate being lied to. My dad lied to me my whole life and eventually I just had to cut ties because I couldn't take it anymore. He knew that and promised me I could trust him and he broke the little trust I gave him. Funny part was I kept asking him to come clean and he kept telling me there was nothing to worry about. Anyway, he asked for a clean slate and I gave him that because we all deserve second chances. 6 days into 2016, he tells me he wants to be together and he's made a decision. I agreed to stay the night with him and of course, he fights with me to have sex and I caved in. I figured what do I have to lose?!?! Welp, the next day he tells me it all was a mistake. Excuse me?? You played with my emotions to have sex and now it's all a mistake?? No sir. Fuck you. I hope the sex was worth our friendship.

#SandaOut